Annal 133: Tale from the SnowBall

This will be just a quick post, but I thought I would let you all now the SnowBall was a success!  I learned how to swing dance, was asked to dance, and allowed the not-so-hidden-geek-within to prevail while I was on the dance floor... which meant some sprinkler moves among others.

Here is a picture of the back of my hair.

And here is my dress for the evening... along with a few friends (me being the second from the left)!

It was really just a fun way to spend the evening.  I am thoroughly exhausted now though, and must be off to bed.  I am a firm believer, however, in the necessity of a ball.  I think we need to have them far more often! 

If for no other reason than so that all of the single women can band together and just give 'er when no guys ask them to dance!

Such is the life of a Christian single.

Annal 132: Tale from the Awakening

I can pretty much guarantee that today will be a two-post day.  Why?  Because I have the SnowBall tonight, and any chance for me regale you all with tales of my innate klutziness on the dance floor must be taken.  But I also have something else I want to write about and I haven't posted for a few days, so I am writing one now.

Hmmm... got to love my need to justify my actions...

I am currently decked out in my pajamas with a Christmas apron tied over top.  My sister is baking brownies while I make lemon squares for us to take tonight.  And I apparently feel no need to dress up for Saturday morning baking...

Over reading week I asked my Dad to go through his selection of nonfiction and pick me out some books that he thought I might like to read.  I enjoy reading Lewis but find that I need a break in between his books.  So right now I am reading Gospel Wakefulness by Jared Wilson.  The book deals with the shallow Christianity that is often encouraged in churches.  Wilson argues that we can know of Christ's saving power and the wonder of what He has done for us in our heads, but that what every person is truly in need of is a moment of what he calls "Gospel Wakefulness."  A moment where you know in your inner being the you have been saved... and you are awed by that wonder.

The section I was reading today deals with the concept of pain, and reminded me of when I read A Grief Observed and The Problem of Pain by Lewis.  Wilson states that "All creation groans for redemption, and this groaning comes in the form of grief, desperation, and pains and distresses of all kinds."

I find that this part of the Christian life is often overlooked.  No one enjoys it when their life falls to pieces around them.  Feeling overcome by loneliness, loss, and desperation are not emotions most people anticipate.  We prefer the idea of that Jesus takes away all pain.  That He is some sort of Cosmic Painkiller and a dose of Him will set the world to rights.

But more often than naught this is not the case.

Or we are taught to believe that the pain we suffer is a result of sin.  If you are following Jesus then you shouldn't experience heartache or suffering.  This too is faulty.  Believing this means that when hard times comes, and come they will, we tend to believe that Jesus has forgotten us... that He has abandoned us... that if He loved us He would take away our pain, so by allowing us to hurt He is showing He doesn't really love us...

Wilson has a paragraph that addresses this.  He says:

"The way God ministers to the broken, though, is contrary to our expectations and desires.  We tend to think his ministry involves only the removal of pain.  But that is not the only way God works.  In the same way that the crucifixion--itself the consequence of a sinful world and a dark culture--was a victory over sin and darkness, our brokenness itself is the means of apprehension of the riches of the gospel of God's love.  Where we always look for and request deliverance from suffering, the testimony of Scripture is mostly about what God wants to do for us in our suffering."

I mentioned in my last post about my take on Joshua assuming leadership over the Israelites and how it seemed like God was trying to assure him that He would be with him.  Today I read in Joshua 4 about how they crossed the Jordan River and God told them to create a monument of 12 stones so that the Israelites would remember God's might and how He was with them.  What I found really interesting was that it talks about how God exalted Joshua before the people so that they would know he was their leader and was equivalent to Moses.

It seems to be that God didn't take away Joshua's fear of filling Moses' shoes.  God just told him to be strong and courageous and that He would be with him.  Joshua still had to work through all of that.  He could have wallowed, he could have pouted, he could have been convinced that a leader shouldn't feel the fear he probably felt.  Instead he obeyed.  He trusted that God would true to His word and would be with him through his fear.

And God worked through that.

Joshua working through his fear allowed God to be glorified through the parting of the Jordan River and in turn allowed God to glorify Joshua.

Sometimes our pain, our suffering, our hard times don't get taken away.  Sometimes we have to keep trudging on, working through those moments.

Yet God can use those.  In the times where we feel so weak and inadequate, He is our strength.  In the times that our hearts have broken and the pieces have been scattered to the four winds, we can become so much more aware of who He is.

I think back to a few weeks ago.  I had a really rough two week period.  I didn't want to allow God to help me.  I wanted to wallow.  I was hurting and I felt alone.  But it was in that time that God was able to show Himself to me.  It was in that time that I became truly aware of just how much He loves me.

Such is the life of a Christian single.

Annal 131: Tale from Miasma

I am currently doing research for my Victorian Literature paper on the theme of degeneracy as characterized by Arthur Machen's descriptions of air and mist in "The Great God Pan."  As such I am reading articles about miasma, which is the theory that disease and such was passed through "bad air."  Sounds a lot more intelligent than it really is, I promise!

I am also watching Bones while doing this research.  Why?  Because David Boreanas' character is the perfect mix of charm, wit, and geekiness ;)

So this Saturday is the SnowBall.  Which means I get to have my hair done, get all dressed up, and go dance the night away!  I am definitely looking forward to that.  It is not often that I am able to whip out of killer dance moves (the sprinkler, the towel, the teacher dance... you get the idea).

I have also gotten a few grades back this week and they have made me feel quite happy as well!  For at least a brief period in time things seem to be going well.  Yay!!!

This morning was my early morning ladies' Bible study.  We started Joshua and there were some interesting tidbits some of the ladies pulled out of the first chapter.

First of all, Joshua is told to be "strong and courageous" A LOT.  Which made me wonder how scared he must have been to be taking over for Moses.  Those were some pretty big shoes to fill, and not just to fill them, but to then lead Israel into the Promised Land.  I would have been freaked!  But God repeatedly tells him that He will be with him, that He will never leave him.

So Joshua steps out and gives a command to the people and you know what they respond with?  They tell him they will listen to him and then they also tell him to be strong and courageous.

One of the women pointed out that those Joshua must have been the most afraid of, the people, are then used to affirm his position and calling.

It made me wonder how many times I miss out on God reminding me that He is with me and that I need to be strong and courageous.  Which also made me wonder how many times I actually listen to His reassurances.  And how many times I still wallow in my fear.

Points to ponder, that's for sure.

Such is the life of a Christian single.

Annal 130: Tale from the Glower

Today is my last day in Manitoba.  I fly out first thing tomorrow morning, will get a few hours with my family back home, and then head back for school.  I have always hated the last few days of breaks, be they Christmas break or reading week.  I never feel like I get quite enough time to see everyone I want to see.  I didn't get to see my dad this break and texting each other is just not quite the same.  But I have had a lovely time visiting my cousin (including not getting to sleep until almost 4am last night... errr... this morning, because of introducing North and South to some of her friends... have to love female bonding over Thornton's glower).

We went for dinner last night with two of her friends.  The restaurant where we ate was out of town and so it was surrounded by trees and lit with garden lights.  I wish I had a camera that would have taken pictures beautiful enough to show you.  The pathway leading to and from the restaurant was tree and bush lined and lit with lights.  I felt as if the trees were calling to me, begging me to stay with them, to give in to their embrace, to join them.

There is a stanza in a poem by Robert Frost called "Stopping by Woods on a Snowy Evening."  The stanza goes like this:

The woods are lovely, dark and deep.
But I have promises to keep,
And miles to go before I sleep,
And miles to go before I sleep

I think that may best describe what I saw.  And what I felt. 

As we drove away I was overtaken by a sense of longing.  We drove through the park this restaurant was in, and moon seemed to be smiling over the scene.  It cast but the faintest of light over the surroundings, yet that haunting glow called to me.

I wanted to disappear in the woods, be swept away by their depth.

But I couldn't, because there are still many miles for me to traverse.

One thing that has been wonderful for me on this visit has been my discussing the future with my cousin.  I have felt so dragged down this last year with having to be in school when I want so badly to teach that I have forgotten the excitement I will be able to feel when I hopefully begin teaching next September.

I can apply anywhere I want.  The world will suddenly become open to me in a way that it has not previously been.  While I sometimes think that no class will be as perfect for me as my first class was, I am excited for the students I will meet and interact with.

Being able to discuss this sort of thing with my cousin (in the context of her wishing me to move to the prairies) brought me some more excitement to finish where I am now.  In seven weeks time I will be done the course work of my last semester of by Bachelor of Arts.  And I will hopefully be hearing from schools and knowing where I will attend next year.  It gave me a hope to not just look at the trees and want to disappear into them, but to complete the miles I have to go.

My life has not turned out the way I thought that it would.  And sometimes that frustrates me.  But I am where I am for a reason.  I have had to travel miles that I never imagined I would have to travel.  And yet, strangely enough, I would not trade those miles for stopping in the woods.  They have made me who I am.

You have heard me.  Sometimes I despair of who I am, of the fact that I am not becoming any more "normal."  Today I am not despairing.  Today I am recognizing that I have had to take a certain path in life, and it has not always been an easy path.  But God has used that path to shape me and form me.

And maybe men don't fawn over me.  I don't think that is because of anything that is wrong with me.  I have visited my cousin and gotten to know her friends and they don't seem to think I'm too odd for comfort.  We can discuss Thornton's glower and sing songs from the cartoon version of The Return of the King and I can fit in beautifully.  I can hear someone's cell phone go off with the Star Wars theme song and suddenly my phone with its Legend of Zelda: A Link to the Past ringtone doesn't seem so strange.

I am different and I am unique.  And that is okay.  God has used the road I have had to travel to show me (among other things) that it is okay for me to embrace my quirks.  I don't need to hide them in order to belong.

And so I shall continue working my way along this path.  I will continue to allow God to shape me and change me and mold me into the woman He has designed.  I will try to embrace that and not complain.  I will try not to be the Israelites who see another hurdle and cry out for their life in slavery.  I will try to remember where I have come from and the One who has brought me thus far.  The woods still call, but the time for dancing within them has not yet come.

Such is the life of a Christian single.

Annal 129: Tale from the Ditch Debacle

No one can tell me that the prairie province of Manitoba is not an exciting place to spend reading week!  I have gone for daytime and nighttime walks, eaten cheesecake at the most delightful cafe, and been introduced to the first season of Downton Abbey.  Oh, and I have spent two hours in the ditch.

Driving back with my cousin from the city last night the roads were somewhat slick.  They had gotten a fair bit of snow the night before and throughout the day, and the result of this was my poor cousin hitting a patch of ice, spinning the car about 270 degrees, and then landing rather deeply in the ditch.
It was quite exciting!

We tried digging ourselves out, her with a shovel and me with my foot, but alas, it was to no avail.  So she called roadside assistance while I assured the numorous cars that continually pulled over to check on us that we were quite alright, that we had a phone to call for help, and that we were staying warm.
We were promised a tow truck in about forty-five minutes.

We received a tow truck in about two hours.

And it was a two hours full of movie quoting and song singing (our rendition of "You Can't Hurry Love" was something to behold, that's for sure).  And of finding ways that we could blame this experience on friends and not ourselves (apparently I decided to forget the lesson I learned from my friend Moses in my last blog entry) :)

But in that time I discovered that Manitobites are some of the friendliest people I have ever met.  A good twenty cars pulled over throughout our stay in the snow, wanting to make sure we were okay.  We had many offers for tows and rides from these lovely people and all were very concerned for our safety.  By the time we were out of the ditch and back on the road I felt like I was a part of this prairie family (not that my cousin minded, she has been trying to convince me to move here for quite a long time now!

You see, I have been able to celebrate numerous 'firsts' with my cousin.  I was there the night before her wedding when she almost rear-ended a pizza driver, the morning of her wedding when the toilet overflowed on her right before our hair appointments, I was with her for her wedding, and now I got to be there with her the first time she put a car in the ditch.

If that isn't family bonding, I am not sure what is!

And then we had a most relaxing evening once we got back (even if it was almost 1am by that time).  My cousin's husband had the kettle ready to go, a teapot heated up, and cinnamon buns on a plate just waiting for us (yes, my esteem for him DEFINITELY rose after that).  We also heated up some leftover Chinese food and then we watched an episode of Downton Abbey in our jammies.

Such is the life of a Christian single.