Friday, 17 August 2012

Annal 171: Tale from my Early Morning Reflections

Memo to self: trying to write a blog post when you are not wearing your glasses and haven't put your contacts in yet could prove rather difficult.  As such, I am blaming any errors on my slight inability to read what I am writing (yes, I am aware I could go upstairs and search for my glasses, but that would just be far too easy).

So this morning my sister took off for her end-of-summer trip to Hawaii with her boyfriend and his family (no, I'm not jealous at all... I would  much rather be here, working).  When I head to the coast for school I will get to see her briefly, but then it is good bye.

And to be honest, I'm having a little bit of a hard morning.

I guess it is finally hitting me that I'm going to be farther away than a four hour drive from my family.  My one brother and his family will be close, which will be nice, but as for everyone else the only chances I will get at seeing them are when I come home for Christmas or my end of semester breaks, or else when they are able to make it into my neck of the woods.

I'm excited for this adventure.  I really am.  And it will be good preparation for next year when I will be moving across the country to be closer to Charming (this will be my blog name for my man... because despite sometimes coming across like a complete ass, he really is incredibly sweet and charming).  Which is something else I'm excited about.

But this is still change and is still something I need to adjust to.

My birthday is on Monday and before she left my sister made me a mix CD for it.  I hopped in my car to run to the store last night and put the CD on.  The very first track was "God Only Knows" by the Beach Boys.  I started tearing up at that point.

Despite a five year age gap between us, my sister and I are very close.  We weren't always (I mean, come on, what teenager really wants to have some annoying kid following them around :P ), but that changed over the last decade (which, by the way, makes me feel very old to say).  We lived together last year.  This is the same sister who made me Valentines and left them all over the house.  The one I went for walks with, talked with, laughed with, and cried with.  Heck, we even tended to get sick together.  I dreamt she was kidnapped by vampires and zombies and I had to save her.  You get the two of us and our youngest sister together and you have something that is just plain CRAZY.  We sing and dance while we do dishes.  We go for roadtrips that involve horribly off-key singing at absurdly loud volumes.

And as much as I am excited for this year and the next and all that they hold, I'm going to miss what I have had.  I'm going to miss padding around the house in my jammies with my family.  I'm going to miss my youngest sister poking fun at my crazy morning hair (because my hair truly does have a mind of its own).  I'm going to miss doing my devotions in the morning with my dad.  Coming home from work and just talking in the kitchen with my mom.  Heading over to my one brother's house for some sibling video gaming.

I know this year will hold lots of excitement.  I know it will be good for me.  I know God will get me through it because, as anyone who has read my blog can attest to, He has more than proven HImself faithful.

He took a girl who was so wrapped up in insecurity that she could barely breathe, and showed her that it was okay for her to embrace the quirkiness He placed inside her and become the woman He created.

He took a girl whose heart was in pieces because of rejection from friends and hurt caused by church leadership and showed her people who care.  Not only that, but He began to draw out the compassion that had been dormant in her for a few years.  He took hurt and pain and is making something beautiful out of it.

He took a girl scarred by past relationships and showed her how much He loves and treasures her.  And as she bacame confident in His love, He brought her a Charming who continually reminds her of her value in his eyes.

He took that which was broken and is making it whole.

When I look at that list I am completely overwhelmed by the goodness of God.  He didn't take away my hurt or my pain, but He healed them.  I know that I will have hrrd times this year.  I know being separated from most of my family, but not all (pretty sure my brother and his fmaily being only a little over an hour away is a sign of God's grace), and Charming will make things hard.  I know it will be a tight year financially.  I know I will struggle.

And I know my struggles won't disappear.

But I am taking comfort in the knowledge that God will not leave me alone in the hard times.  I am floored when I think on His faithfulness.  And I know He won't stop being faithful. 

And so I will trust.

This is my story.


  1. Very good post. I almost hate to ask but I have to. Does Charming cry easy?

    1. Ha ha ha!!! I hadn't thought of that. Thankfully no, Charming doesn't cry easily ;)

  2. Hi,
    I am a Christian single searching the internet for blogs like yours (for inspiration etc).
    I love your blog which I've been flicking through.
    And i love your quirkiness! Do not feel insecure about it.
    I'm about 9.9 on the quirky scale. I used to be insecure about it.
    But quirkiness just reminds me of the vastness (infinite nature) of God's nature / personality / creativeness (and, of course love). God, too, is quirky (and quirkiness does not equal impishness).
    Just as God, too, is paradoxically, the opposite to quirky. He is also, very much focused on the here and the now (just as you find people like that in life, the opposite to quirkiness - not sure, exactly, how to describe that).
    So don't be ashamed of your quirkiness. It's literally divine!
    And people can be fearful of quirkiness (ie people with generally unquirky natures) because it challenges them, in some way, to look beyond their comfort zones of thinking and acting. And so that's a cross quirky people like you and i have to carry.
    Embrace your quirkiness. (But at same time, of course, be humble about it. Being proud about it can lead to craziness. And quirky people like us have to allow ourselves to be challenged).
    Also, without meaning to sound creepy, i think you are beautiful (after flicking through some of your posts, some of which included photos of you). I'm not hitting on you, as i think two quirky people like us, in the real world, would clash in a relationship (but not as friends). If you were my wife, and the woman i looked at everyday, i would count myself very lucky!
    Whatever God's vocation for you in life (wife / the single life), I wish you the best!
    God bless,
    Ed (UK)

    1. Thank you very much for the encouragement, Ed :) I know over the last year God has truly shown me how my quirks and oddities were placed within me by Him and are reflections of His character. It was a long road, but He truly showed me how to be comfortable in the skin He created me with, and I am so thankful for that. And thanks again for the comment--it is always so wonderful to know there are other "quirks" out there as well!

    2. You're welcome.
      And I'll keep you on my prayer list for the next few days.
      Best wishes,
      Ed (UK)