As I write this post I am having trouble keeping my left eye open. I am also having through seeing through the dried-out bleariness that are my contact lenses. Both of these are a result of a half our nap I just woke up from. See, yesterday was my monthly shift at the deli. Which meant I started work at 4:30am (and thus awoke at 3:30am). No big deal, right? Except they asked me to come in again last night/this morning to help with trays. So I got off work yesterday at 1 in the afternoon, went to an Alice in Wonderland themed birthday part for one of my faery godchildren, visited and played games with my brother and his family who were up visiting, slept intermittently for 2.5 hours, and headed back to the deli for midnight. Where I made trays until 4 and then returned home to sleep for about 1.5 hours. After this I said good bye to my visiting family, had breakfast, and headed over to my other brother's house to help him rip out drywall in his basement (I got to take apart light fixtures and figure out how to work his new smoke detectors since I'm the closest thing to an electrician my family has... scary thought, isn't it?). Then it was home to shower and start packing, after which was church and then a return home where I found myself falling asleep while talking to Charming (I'm a horrible person, aren't I).
This week has been a busy week and I'm still not sure where the time went. In six days I begin my trek back to school and I'm not sure if I'm more stressed or excited about it. See, this past Monday was my birthday (which was wonderful as one of my dearest friends in the world left her children with her husband and came over for a 'sleepover'), and I got a letter that put a damper on some plans. This letter had to do with my student loans. I was informed that I because of an "overaward" they calculated that I owed from three years ago, I could not receive about half of my loan. So I'm only getting half of the money I was eligible for and expecting. So that came as a bit of a shock and has been something I have been trying to deal with all week.
I keep telling myself it will all work out. I will get a part time job, or apply for a line of credit, or something like that. I was actually having fun thinking of all the ways I could be frugal (living off of potato soup and toast). Then I got a bit of a surprise today.
I went through some boxes of clothes as I began my packing today. For my education program I am going to be spending a lot of time in classrooms, which means I need a wardrobe for that. I was a little stressed out because a lot of my dress clothes from my year of teaching are looking pretty warn out and I just was not looking forward to having to spend money to buy new clothes. As I went through these boxes, however, I discovered a few tops that I had bought over the years but never worn because I wasn't comfortable with how they looked on me. Thanks to all of the running with my foreman this summer, I tried on these tops and they fit perfectly. All of a sudden I have brand new clothes to wear and I didn't have to spend money on them :)
Maybe this sounds silly, but for me it meant the world. It was just one way that God showed me He was looking out for me. And on a day when I am physically exhausted and ready to cry at the drop of a hat because of this exhaustion (functioning on 5 sporadic hours of sleep over the last 39 hours), I don't think God could've found a more perfect way to say "I love you."
My life is changing and that is really starting to hit me now, especially since I started packing. In a few short days I am driving myself off to school and that will begin the last year of my postsecondary education. In less than a year I will be done my schooling and looking for work. I have to meet new people, find a new church, and adjust to life farther away from my family.
And right now everything sees bigger than it really is. I know this. I know that after spending tonight sleeping in a real bed with no alarm set for the morning I will feel a hundred times better. But for now I am mourning a bit of the life that I am leaving behind.
I know God will continue to take care of me. I know He will continue to reveal Himself to me. I'm looking forward to running through my new campus, the ocean and mountains providing the perfect environment to worship. I'm looking forward to figuring out a new groove and I can hardly wait to see what God has to teach me. I just hope I am willing to learn!
So I don't really know what the point of this post has been... I think I have just been attempting to sort through the thoughts and emotions that have been (I was going to say "scurrying" but that is much too mild of a word) forming a swirling vortex in my head. So thank you for bearing with me and listening to this, even if it doesn't have much of a point!
This is my story.
This week has been a busy week and I'm still not sure where the time went. In six days I begin my trek back to school and I'm not sure if I'm more stressed or excited about it. See, this past Monday was my birthday (which was wonderful as one of my dearest friends in the world left her children with her husband and came over for a 'sleepover'), and I got a letter that put a damper on some plans. This letter had to do with my student loans. I was informed that I because of an "overaward" they calculated that I owed from three years ago, I could not receive about half of my loan. So I'm only getting half of the money I was eligible for and expecting. So that came as a bit of a shock and has been something I have been trying to deal with all week.
I keep telling myself it will all work out. I will get a part time job, or apply for a line of credit, or something like that. I was actually having fun thinking of all the ways I could be frugal (living off of potato soup and toast). Then I got a bit of a surprise today.
I went through some boxes of clothes as I began my packing today. For my education program I am going to be spending a lot of time in classrooms, which means I need a wardrobe for that. I was a little stressed out because a lot of my dress clothes from my year of teaching are looking pretty warn out and I just was not looking forward to having to spend money to buy new clothes. As I went through these boxes, however, I discovered a few tops that I had bought over the years but never worn because I wasn't comfortable with how they looked on me. Thanks to all of the running with my foreman this summer, I tried on these tops and they fit perfectly. All of a sudden I have brand new clothes to wear and I didn't have to spend money on them :)
Maybe this sounds silly, but for me it meant the world. It was just one way that God showed me He was looking out for me. And on a day when I am physically exhausted and ready to cry at the drop of a hat because of this exhaustion (functioning on 5 sporadic hours of sleep over the last 39 hours), I don't think God could've found a more perfect way to say "I love you."
My life is changing and that is really starting to hit me now, especially since I started packing. In a few short days I am driving myself off to school and that will begin the last year of my postsecondary education. In less than a year I will be done my schooling and looking for work. I have to meet new people, find a new church, and adjust to life farther away from my family.
And right now everything sees bigger than it really is. I know this. I know that after spending tonight sleeping in a real bed with no alarm set for the morning I will feel a hundred times better. But for now I am mourning a bit of the life that I am leaving behind.
I know God will continue to take care of me. I know He will continue to reveal Himself to me. I'm looking forward to running through my new campus, the ocean and mountains providing the perfect environment to worship. I'm looking forward to figuring out a new groove and I can hardly wait to see what God has to teach me. I just hope I am willing to learn!
So I don't really know what the point of this post has been... I think I have just been attempting to sort through the thoughts and emotions that have been (I was going to say "scurrying" but that is much too mild of a word) forming a swirling vortex in my head. So thank you for bearing with me and listening to this, even if it doesn't have much of a point!
This is my story.
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