Annal 177: Tale from a Sleepy-Eyed Adventurer

It's Friday.

Pretty sure I just heard that collective exhale as everyone allows themselves to relax.  At least a little :)

I am exhausted.

Mainly mentally (this has been a week where we have discussed a lot of theoretical ideas in school and right now by brain feels like mush), but also physically (the joys of living in residence and dealing with people who have drank a little too much, campus security, and people who just like to stand outside of my townhouse talking at all hours of the night).  In fact I even had a little meltdown in my car yesterday (I hit a point where I just could not make getting stuck in traffic seem adventurous.  My imagination had apparently hit its limit).

But it is the weekend and I can feel my body beginning to relax as peace just seems to settle upon me.  And for all my exhaustion, it has been an amazing week. 

Take Saturday when I went and saw "The Taming of the Shrew" at the Shakespeare Festival.  This was a birthday present from a very dear friend of mine (we also ate at the aptly named "Juliet's Cafe").

I then got to spend the night with brother, sister-in-law, niece, and nephew which was utterly fantastic!  I got so many cuddles and just enjoyed being able to visit.  And I mean, who can argue with a very cute five year old girl coming down the stairs on Sunday morning and crawling onto the couch to snuggle with me until breakfast?

After lunch I was picked up by my friend and we made art projects at her house and drove through the most amazing smalltown ever.  Pretty sure I could happily spend my life on the mainstream of this town (but more to come of that in a later post... I get to explore said town on Sunday).

I spent two days getting to eat lunch on the quay in the community my module is based out of.  Sun bathed glory and the sound of water lapping against the shore?  Yes please!

I have made friends in my classes and actually have people to talk with.

My head is full to overflowing with ideas for teaching and I can hardly wait to be in a classroom!

This morning I discovered something in my Bible that I have never noticed before.  It was in Act 23:11.  Paul has been arrested and brought before the Jewish council.  After what has to be one of the most brilliant distraction tactics ever (he makes a statement that causes the Pharisees and Sadducees to argue with each other instead of with him) he is brought into the Roman barracks for protection.  Here is what the verse says:

"The following night the Lord stood by him and said, 'Take courage, for as you have testified to the facts about me in Jerusalem, so you must testify also in Rome.'"

Did anyone else catch that?

"...the Lord stood by him."

Now I'm sure you could interpret this any number of ways.  Regardless of whether you think it was metaphorical or literal, it doesn't change the fact that the Lord was with Paul in a very real way.  I wonder how alone Paul felt leading up to this.  I know I tend to think of Paul as a guy who just isn't really phased by anything.

But this verse made me stop and think this morning.

Paul's life was one adventure after another.

But God never left his side.

No matter how insecure or inadequate Paul felt, he allowed God to use him.  In 2 Corinthians 12:8-10 he wrote,

"Three times I pleaded with the Lord about this [the 'thorn' in his flesh], that it should leave me.  But he said to me, 'My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.' Therefore I will boast all the more gladly of my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ may rest upon me.  For the sake of Christ, then, I am content with weaknesses, insults, hardships, persecutions, and calamaities.  For when I am weak, then I am strong."

Paul acknowledged his weaknesses.  But he didn't let them hold him back.  He knew that it was through his weakness that God could work.  I thought back to guys like Moses and Saul and their own battles with insecurity.  I thought of the battles they won and lost.

No matter what was going on with Paul, God was present.

I have had some moments this week.  Moments where I threw fits in my car or cried myself to sleep (not even close to as many of these moments as last week.)

And I can't believe how quickly I have forgotten that God is still present.  Sometimes I'm a real idiot.

So my focus this last week was to view whatever came my way as an adventure.  And for the most part I was able to rise to that challenge.

This week I have a new one.  This week I want to view whatever comes my way as an adventure... and I want to remember that I am not alone.  I want to remember that there is Someone else with me, and that He is the most important part of these adventures.

And I welcome you all to hold me accountable to this... because I know I need it!

This is my story.

Annal 176: Tale from some Rear-Ended Epicness

The sun was shining and I was in a good mood.  It was the third day of my program, I knew how to get to my destination and I was beginning to feel like I was getting into a groove.  I was only a few blocks from the school I was heading to when I had to stop at a red light.  There I was, chillin' at the red light, when I happened to glance in my rearview mirror.  I tensed.

There was a car coming straight for me at a speed that was not conducive for stopping.  I heard the brakes and definitely felt the impact.  I waited for the light to turn green, pulled through and pulled over to the side of the road. 

I felt sick.  Why God? was one of the first things to enter my mind (I have to be honest though... this entered my mind around the time a choice word left my mouth that I am not the proudest for having uttered).  I saw the vehicle that had rear-ended me pull over behind me.  I got out and slowly made my way around my poor car.  This was not my first accident.  This was not my fault.  I could do this.

I smiled at the woman as she got out of her car, horror all over her face, her nerves looking at tense as mine felt.

I looked at my bumper.

I looked at little harder.

How did that noise and that impact result in nothing more than a few scuff marks?  How did I not even get a dent?

I looked at the woman's car.  It was a little more scuffed and dented.  She apologized.  I told her not to worry about it.

As I drove the remaining few blocks to the school my body was buzzing with adrenaline.  Of course, this wore off mid-morning and I had a headache and some sore muscles for the rest of the day.

But otherwise I came out of it untouched.  I was alive.  My car works just fine and doesn't look worse for wear.  I didn't have to deal with insurance.  Life could continue normally.

Mind you, for the rest of yesterday and today everytime I look in my rearview mirror and a traffic light I start to panic.  My nerves tighten until the vehicle behind me has stopped... and isn't touching mine.

This got me thinking today about looking behind.  I have spent months living in reflection.  Months looking back at the lessons I have learned, on the ways that God has provided me.  And this is good.  It is good to remember.

But sometimes I get frozen in this state of looking back.  Sometimes I forget to look forward.

Today I got lost on my way to a new destination for class (this is my second time getting lost this week).  I took a wrong turn and discovered myself in Historic New Westminster (which was quite beautiful).  Yes this detour took some time out of my day, but I could still turn around and go back the other direction to the quay.  I could feel myself start to get frustrated as I was driving--frustrated that I had screwed up again, frustrated that the street I needed to turn on wasn't labeled, just frustrated.

Finally I had to stop.

I'm on an adventure.

I'm in unchartered territory.

I'm doing something I have never done before.

Will there be mistakes?  Sure.  Are they wrong?

Not always.

Sometimes my mistakes allow me to take in a historic downtown that I might not have explored before.

For my birthday a friend gave me a book entitled How to be an Explorer of the World.  This book is all about the way you view your world... seeing even the commonplace as an adventure.

Today I finally told myself to stop stressing.  To remember that I'm an explorer of the world, and this is my new world.  To take each step as an adventure.

It is good to look back.  It is important to look back.  But you need to look ahead too.  God has brought me through so much, but there is still so much to go through.  If I stay frozen in the past, and keep looking to relive things the way I did in past times, my adventures will be pitiful.  Instead, I need to put my hand in His and explore this new place that He has brought me too.  My time here is limited.  I don't want to waste it.

I had some amazing adventures this summer, from shoveling poop in a storage shed at work, to having crazy photoshoots with friends, to drastically improving my running ability, to learning how to scale ladders without fear, to falling for a guy named Charming.

But my adventures are not over yet.

This is my story.

Annal 175: Tale from my Cuddle Buddy

Thank God for dark chocolate covered macadamia nuts!  And Mog.

My sister went to Hawaii for two weeks before this school year started.  As she was gone over my birthday, she got me presents from her holiday.  For starters, there was an amazing apron is various shades of green (my favourite colour) and black (my favourite shade).  Then there were the chocolates.  For those times over the last couple of days when I have felt sanity fleeing or exhaustion settling in, popping one of those babies into my mouth seemed to make everything better.

And then there's Mog.  Mog is my bright and colourful sea turtle pillow that she gave me to brighten up my room.  See, it can get pretty gloomy here on the west coast, especially heading into the winter months.  So this pillow is perfectly bright.

Mog is also the perfect cuddle buddy.  I crawl onto my hard mattress at night, wrap my arms around him, and he just fits perfectly.  We have had lots of cuddle time over the last few days :)

(That would be Mog all nestled there on my bed).

Well, I have arrived at school and today was my first day of class/orientation.  So far over the last few days I have managed to almost not make my check-in time (construction made me late and so I arrived fifteen minutes before everything shut down... that would not have been fun), move into my room (the space on my bookcase tells me I could have packed far more books for the year), get someone ticketed (I had just received my parking spot, went to park, and someone was in it so I had to call security and then had the choice of having them ticketed or towed... this didn't make me feel like the greatest person in the world), spend a wonderful afternoon with a very good friend (she came to visit me and promised to take me to Shakespeare in the Park), discover that my room was missing its Ethernet cord so I couldn't access the internet (I'm a little concerned over how dependent I am on the internet), and I also got lost on my way to orientation today (at one point I had to pull over and call a friend so they could google map directions for me).

So it has been eventful :)

Today I went to the dollar store and bought a cheap Ethernet cord, though, so now I feel like I am connected to people again.  Which means I don't feel quite so lonely.

Yeah, I have been battling a bit of homesickness/loneliness the last couple of days.  I suppose I'm not used to not having the people I care about close to me.  Take away my internet and I felt about as secluded as a person could get! 

But I am doing better now.  And I am truly enjoying being up here.  I managed to score a room with a balcony (each townhouse has four housemates but only one of the rooms has a balcony... and I got it!).  My camping chair doesn't really fit out there, but I make it work, and today I sat out a read a couple of chapters in a Grisham novel I'm working on.  I even managed to get out and go for a short run before work this morning, which definitely helped to relieve a bit of stress.

One of my closest friends told me yesterday how adventurous she thinks I am.  I told her I don't really see it.  I see my stress, my worry, my loneliness... and I feel like a wimp, not an adventurer.  Then she pointed out the fact that I am attending a university that isn't all that close to the majority of my family and that is across the country from my boyfriend.  She said that sounded quite adventurous... and even brave.

I definitely don't feel brave.  I feel weak.  But then I remember that in those times when I am weak, God is able to fully prove His strength.  He has already been providing for me in amazing ways, ways I never would have anticipated.  He is still molding me and still making me into the woman He dreams of me being.  And all of these experiences, from the fun moments with friends to the moments where I have to call security to get someone out of my parking spot to the times where I am lost in a city I don't know, are experiences that build character.

Helen Keller said that "Character cannot be developed in ease and quiet. Only through experience of trial and suffering can the soul be strengthened, ambition inspired, and success achieved."  While there are definitely times where I long for ease and quiet, I know it is these crazy times that develop my character.  And so I shall work to embrace those moments (never thought I would say that).

Because God is using them to mold me.

But for now I am going to curl up with Mog and get a good night's sleep.  All this character-building means I need my cuddle buddy :)

This is my story.

Annal 174: Tale from the Road

The Road goes ever on and on

Down from the door where it began.

Now far ahead the Road has gone,

And I must follow, if I can,

Pursuing it with eager feet,

Until it joins some larger way

Where many paths and errands meet.

And whither then? I cannot say

Pretty sure this is the summation of my life right now.

Tonight is my last night before heading out to school.  I'm excited, nervous, scared... the whole shebang.  Part of me almost feels like I have slipped into student mode given my apparel at the moment (it is pretty obvious I'm not having a Skype date with Charming tonight).  I am bathed but haven't bothered with make-up.  All of my clothes except for a few outfits that are in the laundry are packed so I'm wearing jeans and a t-shirt (both of which are too big for me).  I'm sitting at my computer, bare feet propped up, a plate with pizza pops beside me.

And I'm doing everything in my power to not cry.

Today was my final shift as an electrician.  As my blog can attest to, I loved my job and the people I worked with.  Today I worked with the first year apprentice and my foreman, the same two guys I started with.  My morning began with my longest work run yet (we ran 8km at an average speed of about 11km/hr... I was pretty impressed with myself) and then I got to spend my day in the company of two guys who managed to make me feel like I belonged.  Like who I was was an okay person to be.  They even seemed to like me a little (my foreman told the big boss that they should hire me back next spring when I have a five week break in between semesters).

Okay, I am still managing to not cry.

I had to say good bye to my brother and sister-in-law as well today and my youngest sister came with me to run some final errands and pack the last of my belongings.  The children for which I am "The Babyhitter" stopped by with their mom (and my dear friend), to say good bye tonight as well.  They also gave me an Avengers lunch container (somehow school will go so much better with Captain America and Thor to gaze at) and a gift card for Starbucks (I can still drink good coffee while being a poor student)!

Tomorrow I begin the next leg of my journey.  And this part of the journey is completely unknown to me.  I have never lived where I am moving and have never attended this university.  After this year I am done school and begin a totally different adventure.

But this coming adventure scares me.  It is a great deal different than anything I am used to.  While I will be near some people I hold incredibly close, I will be away from others.  And that is hard.  I know it will be good, and I really am excited for it.  Tonight I am just going through another period of grieving as I leave behind that which I know for that which I don't.

In other words, tonight is the kind of night where all I want to do is curl up on the couch, shed a few tears, drink something hot, and be held.

Which reminds of a similar time not that long ago when I was leaving to come back for the summer.  I recall a night much like this one.  A night where my Father let me know He was present... that He was near... that He wasn't going anywhere despite the changes occurring in my life.

And I know that is true for me now.

So I will cling to the hope and excitement of this new adventure.  Of road tripping my way to the West Coast on my own (I will try to take lots of pictures and hopefully share some with the rest of you).

Here's to know that God will continue to guide and lead.  Here's to what has been an amazing summer full of surprises I never expected.  Here's to what I know will be a glorious new adventure full of new twists, turns, and lessons.

This is my story.

Annal 173: Tale from the Second Post in a Week

Wow... I'm writing my second post this week.  Given my track record over this summer this is a pretty huge thing.  I have just been mulling some thoughts over all day and find that writing them out on here works best (besides, I always enjoy seeing what others think about my mullings).

I'm currently working my way through the book Above All Earthly Powers: Christ in a Postmodern World by David F. Wells.  He chronicles the rise of postmodernism in North America (specifically the US), looks at the world views tied in with postmodernism, and then assesses the role of the church in this postmodern world (yes, I know I just used "postmodern" a lot in one sentence).  The book has been very interesting, but the last chapter has really started to delve into the role of the church, and this has gotten me interested.  At the end of the chapter he says:

"Thus it is that we have two diametrically opposed visions of life.  In the one, there is no center; in the other, there is and it is Christ.  In the one, life is but a succession of random events; in the other, lie is lived out under the sovereign rule of Christ.  In the one, we are alone in the cosmos; in the other, we are not.  In the one, salvation is humanly managed; in the other, it is divinely given.  Christianity best flourishes when the sharpness of these opposing visions is preserved, and it becomes sickened when it is not."

The next chapter begins with a quotation from Dietrich Bonhoeffer which I also want to share.

"Cheap grace is the deadly enemy of our Church.  We are fighting today for costly grace.  Cheap grace means grace sold on the market like cheapjacks' wares.  The sacraments, the forgiveness of sin, and the consolations of religion are thrown away at cut prices... Cheap grace is the preaching of forgiveness without requiring repentance, baptism without church discipline, Communion without confession, absolution without personal confession.  Cheap grace is grace without discipleship, grace without the cross, grace without Jesus Christ, living and incarnate."

Huh...

I'm not going to lie, this is one of my peeves with the church (or rather, with some churches that I have attended).  The prosperity gospel and the making of the gospel what people term "palatable" bothers me.  Not only do they bother me, but I find that preaching both of them develops Christians who, when they reach a brick wall, will be crushed by it.  Christianity is no easy.  As Bonhoeffer said, it requires repentence, discipline, confession, discipleship... and most importantly, Christ.  When we lose sight of this, of the "diametrically opposed visions of life," Christianity becomes sickened.  This doesn't make it flourish.

When Charming was up visiting we were talking about youth and a focus on theology (this was when he mentioned the Heidelberg Catechism).  He has worked with youth for a while, and said one of his goals was to ground them, to help them know what they believe so that when they come across a brick wall it doesn't crush them.  When they hit a crisis of faith, they will have a foundation to stand upon.  I joked that when I hit my brick wall it did crush me... God just managed to help me crawl through the rubble and get to the other side.

Yesterday at church we were discussing what it means to be "citizens of Heaven" and to have our minds focused on "heavenly things."  We broke up into groups to discuss this and one of the things my group came up with had to do with looking at how Jesus lived.

Jesus loved.  But He didn't sugar coat things.  He forgave, but He also said "Go and sin no more."  He trained His disciples.  This didn't mean He coddled them.  He came down hard on the Pharisees, but that wasn't because He hated them.  He loved them and knew they could be so much more than what they were being. 

Jesus didn't offer cheap grace. 

This has been a summer of reflection for me, a summer where I have done a lot of looking back over the lessons God has taught me, the ways He has proved His love and faithfulness to me.

This last week as I prepare myself for school, I have started to look ahead.  I'm not content with what I have learned so far and I know there is so much more out there.  I don't want to settle into a pattern of living in the past.  I can never forget what God has done for me, but I also can't live only in those lessons.  He has laid a foundation, but I believe He also wants to build on that.  I want to live a life of costly grace.  Christ paid a price for me... I don't want to cheapify that.  Will it be easy?  No.  It will require discipline, repentance, confession, accountability... but will it be worth it?

Definitely.

This is my story.