Annal 176: Tale from some Rear-Ended Epicness

The sun was shining and I was in a good mood.  It was the third day of my program, I knew how to get to my destination and I was beginning to feel like I was getting into a groove.  I was only a few blocks from the school I was heading to when I had to stop at a red light.  There I was, chillin' at the red light, when I happened to glance in my rearview mirror.  I tensed.

There was a car coming straight for me at a speed that was not conducive for stopping.  I heard the brakes and definitely felt the impact.  I waited for the light to turn green, pulled through and pulled over to the side of the road. 

I felt sick.  Why God? was one of the first things to enter my mind (I have to be honest though... this entered my mind around the time a choice word left my mouth that I am not the proudest for having uttered).  I saw the vehicle that had rear-ended me pull over behind me.  I got out and slowly made my way around my poor car.  This was not my first accident.  This was not my fault.  I could do this.

I smiled at the woman as she got out of her car, horror all over her face, her nerves looking at tense as mine felt.

I looked at my bumper.

I looked at little harder.

How did that noise and that impact result in nothing more than a few scuff marks?  How did I not even get a dent?

I looked at the woman's car.  It was a little more scuffed and dented.  She apologized.  I told her not to worry about it.

As I drove the remaining few blocks to the school my body was buzzing with adrenaline.  Of course, this wore off mid-morning and I had a headache and some sore muscles for the rest of the day.

But otherwise I came out of it untouched.  I was alive.  My car works just fine and doesn't look worse for wear.  I didn't have to deal with insurance.  Life could continue normally.

Mind you, for the rest of yesterday and today everytime I look in my rearview mirror and a traffic light I start to panic.  My nerves tighten until the vehicle behind me has stopped... and isn't touching mine.

This got me thinking today about looking behind.  I have spent months living in reflection.  Months looking back at the lessons I have learned, on the ways that God has provided me.  And this is good.  It is good to remember.

But sometimes I get frozen in this state of looking back.  Sometimes I forget to look forward.

Today I got lost on my way to a new destination for class (this is my second time getting lost this week).  I took a wrong turn and discovered myself in Historic New Westminster (which was quite beautiful).  Yes this detour took some time out of my day, but I could still turn around and go back the other direction to the quay.  I could feel myself start to get frustrated as I was driving--frustrated that I had screwed up again, frustrated that the street I needed to turn on wasn't labeled, just frustrated.

Finally I had to stop.

I'm on an adventure.

I'm in unchartered territory.

I'm doing something I have never done before.

Will there be mistakes?  Sure.  Are they wrong?

Not always.

Sometimes my mistakes allow me to take in a historic downtown that I might not have explored before.

For my birthday a friend gave me a book entitled How to be an Explorer of the World.  This book is all about the way you view your world... seeing even the commonplace as an adventure.

Today I finally told myself to stop stressing.  To remember that I'm an explorer of the world, and this is my new world.  To take each step as an adventure.

It is good to look back.  It is important to look back.  But you need to look ahead too.  God has brought me through so much, but there is still so much to go through.  If I stay frozen in the past, and keep looking to relive things the way I did in past times, my adventures will be pitiful.  Instead, I need to put my hand in His and explore this new place that He has brought me too.  My time here is limited.  I don't want to waste it.

I had some amazing adventures this summer, from shoveling poop in a storage shed at work, to having crazy photoshoots with friends, to drastically improving my running ability, to learning how to scale ladders without fear, to falling for a guy named Charming.

But my adventures are not over yet.

This is my story.