I actually started and published this post earlier today but after church, lunch, and a drive home from my brother and sister-in-law's place that may or may not have involved random periods of crying, I deleted said post and am starting afresh. The first one was good as it helped me slowly piece together what I was feeling and identify (as much as was humanly possible), what was going on.
This week has been a great week. Last weekend I got to explore Fort Langley where numerous television shows are filmed (like the show Once Upon a Time).
(This is me in front of what some of you might recognize as the Storybrooke Town Hall).
My youngest sister flew in on Tuesday and spent the week with me which was fantastic. I got to spend a day in a school where grade eleven boys told me that weird girls are the best because not-weird girls are boring (hurray for the quirks!). I am developing more friendships in my program (even discovered a girl whose boyfriend has the same name as Charming and the same strange affinity for cats). Heck, I even walked into a parking meter on a relatively busy street in front of at least one-third of my module, proving to the world that my lack of coordination is something I will never grow out of. We filmed short movies and I got a chance to let, for a little while anyway, my creative juices flow.
To top it all off, I got to spend the weekend with my oldest brother and his family. This means that Saturday morning I woke up to cuddles with my niece while this morning it was cuddles with my nephew. We played games, I developed what is sure to become an obsession with the Avatar: The Last Airbender cartoon show. I played some World of Warcraft which mean even more cuddle time with my niece and nephew as they gave me advice on what to do (they are five and three, by the way). I talked blogs with my brother who started his own a few weeks ago (which, by the way, I will post a link to if you are interested in reading up about various theorists and how he applies them to video games), and got to go to church with them this morning.
My point is, this has been an awesome week. So why have I spent the weekend feeling like I would cry at the drop of a hat? I can't even blame it on PMS.
I think I may have pinpointed my main problem, and it came from a reflection of a random event that occurred last night. After dinner my youngest sister asked me to go outside with her because she found this lovely park bench covered in autumn leaves and she wanted to take my picture on it.
This morning, as I was reflecting upon my strange desire to want to cry, I thought of a picture I have. It is up a park bench by a lamp post and I love it.
Five years ago God gave me a word. I kept this word as the banner on my phone up until a year ago when I got a phone that didn't allow me to have banners. As a result I have forgotten about it.
The word was Waiting.
Over the years it has come to mean numerous things to me, but as I reflect over the last few years I can see why God gave it to me. No year has looked like the one before it. No year has been spent in the same place/home. Life has seemed like one period of transition after another. One long period of waiting, you could say.
I was talking with my brother yesterday evening about a bit of this. I feel like I am being pulled in multiple directions. Part of me is here at school and part with my brother and his family an hour away. Part of my heart is with my family back home, and part with my sister and friends that are in Prince George. And then there is a part of my heart that is across the country.
And nothing kills me more than feeling like I'm useless. Than knowing that someone is hurt, sad, exhausted, or lonely and knowing that there is nothing I can do to help them. Like yesterday when Charming got in a bit of an accident (he's totally fine, by the way). Because of my phone I didn't get the image he sent telling me about it and so I spent the afternoon with no idea of what he was going through. When I finally found out I felt like the most useless person in the world. There was nothing I could do to help. I can't give my sister a hug when she needs it.
My time has waiting has now brought me to a place where I am away from those I care about. And this at times make me feel like my heart is in pieces.
But my Dad commented on my original post with a bit of information that has made me pause. He told me that I have to live like each place is permanent or else the strain will be too much. And he's right. But it's hard because I don't want to treat this year like it's permanent. But I'm here. And I'm enjoying myself here. And I need to be here if I want to move on to the next period of my life.
It was interesting because part of what I read in my devotions tied in with what the sermon I heard this morning said. Both dealt with the idea of the sovereignty of God (a subject that not a lot of people like to get into a discussion of). The Lord's Day 10 in the book I'm reading about the Heidelberg Catechism discusses the first part of the Apostle's Creed and deals with who God the Father is. It deals with providence/sovereignty. I'm not going to get to heavily into this but I just want to mention the three things Kevin DeYoung about why we can take comfort in the idea of God's providence.
1. We can be patient when things go against us--God knows what He is doing with the pain in our lives. Joseph's imprisonment, slavery in Egypt, and killing the Messiah were things that didn't make much sense at the time... but they do now.
2. We can be thankful when things go well--these point to the unmerited favour of God.
3. We can have confidence for the future--maybe all my worries will come true, but God will never be untrue. He will lead me, listen to me, and I can rest in the knowledge that nothing is happening that He does not know about.
I may feel useless, but God is not. I may be in transition and life may seem up-in-the-air, but God is constant and unchanging. Things may happen that seem to make no sense to me (like not sleeping Tuesday night because of sharp stomach pains, a racing mind, and nightmares, or getting rear-ended, or only getting half of my student loan), but lots of things have happened in my past that have not made sense that only now can I see their purpose (my Mom's cancer or the events that led to my getting my Charming).
I'm loving being on an adventure, just hating some of the consequences of adventuring away from those I care about. But I am here. And God is here. And He's got this whole thing covered.
This is my story.
*Also, here is the link to my brother's blog*
http://thebiblesalesman.wordpress.com/
This week has been a great week. Last weekend I got to explore Fort Langley where numerous television shows are filmed (like the show Once Upon a Time).
(This is me in front of what some of you might recognize as the Storybrooke Town Hall).
My youngest sister flew in on Tuesday and spent the week with me which was fantastic. I got to spend a day in a school where grade eleven boys told me that weird girls are the best because not-weird girls are boring (hurray for the quirks!). I am developing more friendships in my program (even discovered a girl whose boyfriend has the same name as Charming and the same strange affinity for cats). Heck, I even walked into a parking meter on a relatively busy street in front of at least one-third of my module, proving to the world that my lack of coordination is something I will never grow out of. We filmed short movies and I got a chance to let, for a little while anyway, my creative juices flow.
To top it all off, I got to spend the weekend with my oldest brother and his family. This means that Saturday morning I woke up to cuddles with my niece while this morning it was cuddles with my nephew. We played games, I developed what is sure to become an obsession with the Avatar: The Last Airbender cartoon show. I played some World of Warcraft which mean even more cuddle time with my niece and nephew as they gave me advice on what to do (they are five and three, by the way). I talked blogs with my brother who started his own a few weeks ago (which, by the way, I will post a link to if you are interested in reading up about various theorists and how he applies them to video games), and got to go to church with them this morning.
My point is, this has been an awesome week. So why have I spent the weekend feeling like I would cry at the drop of a hat? I can't even blame it on PMS.
I think I may have pinpointed my main problem, and it came from a reflection of a random event that occurred last night. After dinner my youngest sister asked me to go outside with her because she found this lovely park bench covered in autumn leaves and she wanted to take my picture on it.
This morning, as I was reflecting upon my strange desire to want to cry, I thought of a picture I have. It is up a park bench by a lamp post and I love it.
Five years ago God gave me a word. I kept this word as the banner on my phone up until a year ago when I got a phone that didn't allow me to have banners. As a result I have forgotten about it.
The word was Waiting.
Over the years it has come to mean numerous things to me, but as I reflect over the last few years I can see why God gave it to me. No year has looked like the one before it. No year has been spent in the same place/home. Life has seemed like one period of transition after another. One long period of waiting, you could say.
I was talking with my brother yesterday evening about a bit of this. I feel like I am being pulled in multiple directions. Part of me is here at school and part with my brother and his family an hour away. Part of my heart is with my family back home, and part with my sister and friends that are in Prince George. And then there is a part of my heart that is across the country.
And nothing kills me more than feeling like I'm useless. Than knowing that someone is hurt, sad, exhausted, or lonely and knowing that there is nothing I can do to help them. Like yesterday when Charming got in a bit of an accident (he's totally fine, by the way). Because of my phone I didn't get the image he sent telling me about it and so I spent the afternoon with no idea of what he was going through. When I finally found out I felt like the most useless person in the world. There was nothing I could do to help. I can't give my sister a hug when she needs it.
My time has waiting has now brought me to a place where I am away from those I care about. And this at times make me feel like my heart is in pieces.
But my Dad commented on my original post with a bit of information that has made me pause. He told me that I have to live like each place is permanent or else the strain will be too much. And he's right. But it's hard because I don't want to treat this year like it's permanent. But I'm here. And I'm enjoying myself here. And I need to be here if I want to move on to the next period of my life.
It was interesting because part of what I read in my devotions tied in with what the sermon I heard this morning said. Both dealt with the idea of the sovereignty of God (a subject that not a lot of people like to get into a discussion of). The Lord's Day 10 in the book I'm reading about the Heidelberg Catechism discusses the first part of the Apostle's Creed and deals with who God the Father is. It deals with providence/sovereignty. I'm not going to get to heavily into this but I just want to mention the three things Kevin DeYoung about why we can take comfort in the idea of God's providence.
1. We can be patient when things go against us--God knows what He is doing with the pain in our lives. Joseph's imprisonment, slavery in Egypt, and killing the Messiah were things that didn't make much sense at the time... but they do now.
2. We can be thankful when things go well--these point to the unmerited favour of God.
3. We can have confidence for the future--maybe all my worries will come true, but God will never be untrue. He will lead me, listen to me, and I can rest in the knowledge that nothing is happening that He does not know about.
I may feel useless, but God is not. I may be in transition and life may seem up-in-the-air, but God is constant and unchanging. Things may happen that seem to make no sense to me (like not sleeping Tuesday night because of sharp stomach pains, a racing mind, and nightmares, or getting rear-ended, or only getting half of my student loan), but lots of things have happened in my past that have not made sense that only now can I see their purpose (my Mom's cancer or the events that led to my getting my Charming).
I'm loving being on an adventure, just hating some of the consequences of adventuring away from those I care about. But I am here. And God is here. And He's got this whole thing covered.
This is my story.
*Also, here is the link to my brother's blog*
http://thebiblesalesman.wordpress.com/
As a fellow adventurer who has long been without a fixed address, I understand your position. I appreciate your thoughtful consideration of the situation of being "in-transit." You are right, God is sovereign, and it is enough to know that. Thanks for this one.
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