Being that I am Canadian I had the honour of celebrating Thanksgiving this weekend. I travelled to my brother and sister-in-law's home about an hour away to spend the weekend with them and was also able to visit with my two sister who were there for the occasion as well as my sister-in-law's sister. We had an incredibly full house, experienced incredibly full stomachs (mmm... pie....), and even though I am using a cliche I will say that I experienced a very full heart.
I also learned a few things about myself this weekend.
I discovered that my three year old nephew and I enjoy "drinking" each other's brains.
I discovered, thanks to the board game "Last Night on Earth," that in case of a zombie apocalypse I can beat back the undead hordes with my bare hands. No need for shot guns or axes over here.
I discovered that trying to sing along to the cd in my car at 4am when driving my youngest sister to the airport is not a good idea. I would love to blame it on the cold I have had for the past week... but the truth is I just shouldn't sing that early in the morning.
And I discovered, upon a beautiful walk to the market this morning, that I have been putting my life on hold.
More specifically, I have been putting God on hold.
This isn't a fun or easy conclusion to come to. In truth, it is humbling beyond words. Last year was a time of incredible growth for me, a time where I came to depend on God for everything.
This year has begun and I feel like all I am doing is trying to get through it. I don't want to set down roots here. I run at least four mornings a week. I go to my program and get along fine with the people there. Then I come home. I hide out in my room and usually fall asleep between nine and nine-thirty. Sometimes I visit with a good friend of mine here, sometimes I go to my brother's place for a weekend, and sometimes I have a Skype date with Charming. My days are peppered with calls home to talk with my parents. Once a week I have a phone date with my cousin.
This is my routine.
Routine is not bad.
But today I realized that I have been hiding behind this routine. Hiding to extent where despite doing my devotions I have taken pretty much no time for God. I stopped going for walks in the same capacity as I did last school year. When I walk I am usually focused on something else.
I feel like I have closed myself off. And I'm not sure why.
After dropping my sister off at the airport and making it back home just after seven this morning I went for a run. I switched up my route and ran into the rising sun along a tree-lined road. I listened to some worship music. I came home, showered and unpacked, and then went for a walk.
And on this walk I finally confessed how I was feeling to God.
You see, I have been hiding and closing myself off, but I wasn't even admitting that to myself.
Through all of this I made another discovery.
I am incredibly blessed.
This year definitely has some trials. But I am blessed.
I get to have family living just over an hour away.
I'm in an amazing program with people that I love visiting with and have the ability to develop some great friendships.
One of my dearest friends lives less than an hour away and I get to see her at least once a week.
I may be in a long distance relationship but I have a guy who actually thinks I'm special (and I guess I like him too). And don't get me wrong, the distance REALLY sucks, but for now it means that I have a little more time to try and immerse myself into my life here.
I just got to spend a weekend hanging out with all but one of my siblings and with a niece and nephew whom I love (and who enjoy crawling into bed with me in the early hours of the morning).
I have a family that has done everything it can to support me this school year, especially given the surprises that have come my way.
Leave to God to use a zombie-filled Thanksgiving weekend to finally get through to me!
This is my story.
I also learned a few things about myself this weekend.
I discovered that my three year old nephew and I enjoy "drinking" each other's brains.
I discovered, thanks to the board game "Last Night on Earth," that in case of a zombie apocalypse I can beat back the undead hordes with my bare hands. No need for shot guns or axes over here.
I discovered that trying to sing along to the cd in my car at 4am when driving my youngest sister to the airport is not a good idea. I would love to blame it on the cold I have had for the past week... but the truth is I just shouldn't sing that early in the morning.
And I discovered, upon a beautiful walk to the market this morning, that I have been putting my life on hold.
More specifically, I have been putting God on hold.
This isn't a fun or easy conclusion to come to. In truth, it is humbling beyond words. Last year was a time of incredible growth for me, a time where I came to depend on God for everything.
This year has begun and I feel like all I am doing is trying to get through it. I don't want to set down roots here. I run at least four mornings a week. I go to my program and get along fine with the people there. Then I come home. I hide out in my room and usually fall asleep between nine and nine-thirty. Sometimes I visit with a good friend of mine here, sometimes I go to my brother's place for a weekend, and sometimes I have a Skype date with Charming. My days are peppered with calls home to talk with my parents. Once a week I have a phone date with my cousin.
This is my routine.
Routine is not bad.
But today I realized that I have been hiding behind this routine. Hiding to extent where despite doing my devotions I have taken pretty much no time for God. I stopped going for walks in the same capacity as I did last school year. When I walk I am usually focused on something else.
I feel like I have closed myself off. And I'm not sure why.
After dropping my sister off at the airport and making it back home just after seven this morning I went for a run. I switched up my route and ran into the rising sun along a tree-lined road. I listened to some worship music. I came home, showered and unpacked, and then went for a walk.
And on this walk I finally confessed how I was feeling to God.
You see, I have been hiding and closing myself off, but I wasn't even admitting that to myself.
Through all of this I made another discovery.
I am incredibly blessed.
This year definitely has some trials. But I am blessed.
I get to have family living just over an hour away.
I'm in an amazing program with people that I love visiting with and have the ability to develop some great friendships.
One of my dearest friends lives less than an hour away and I get to see her at least once a week.
I may be in a long distance relationship but I have a guy who actually thinks I'm special (and I guess I like him too). And don't get me wrong, the distance REALLY sucks, but for now it means that I have a little more time to try and immerse myself into my life here.
I just got to spend a weekend hanging out with all but one of my siblings and with a niece and nephew whom I love (and who enjoy crawling into bed with me in the early hours of the morning).
I have a family that has done everything it can to support me this school year, especially given the surprises that have come my way.
Leave to God to use a zombie-filled Thanksgiving weekend to finally get through to me!
This is my story.
Hi.
ReplyDeleteI, too, discovered, recently, after holiday, i was neglecting God.
Since then, I just feel a lot happier.
And have remembered that prayer is key.
Not "pious" prayer, but prayer which is about connecting spiritually with God. Magic!
And, although, prayer involves examination of conscience (tough), prayer for our enemies (tough), long moments where nothing happens (tough), etc, after a while, little trinkles og magic seep into one's consciousness.
The goal is a fire inside.
Apologies if this seems obvious. I write by way of encouragement. I like reading your stuff (i'm single Christian, too). I will spend 5 mins this evening remembering you in my prayers.
Best, Ed (UK)
Thanks, Ed, I do appreciate the encouragement. And I always welcome prayers! I have started turning my morning runs into "date time" with God, which is what I did with my walks last spring. Sometimes it doesn't feel all that productive, but I find just setting aside time for Him does make a difference.
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