Annal 184: Tale from the Reminder

Since Saturday I have started and restarted this particular post more times that I can count.  Each time it didn't seem like the write moment.  It was as if a hand was being held up and I was being told to "wait."  Story of my life, right?

As most of you who read my blog know, I had somewhat of a financial setback at the start of this semester due to a student loan overaward.  My family and friends have been incredibly gracious and have helped me out more than I could ever hope to explain.  But this semester has been tight.  And as of this last Friday I had a realization.

I can't afford school right now.

My program has an option known as Due Process.  This is where, due to financial problems or other issues that arise (like getting pregnant or something to that effect), you can take a semester off and then just finish a few months later.  On Saturday night I emailed my FA about taking this route.

This was probably one of the hardest decisions I have ever had to make.  I felt like I was letting myself down, in a way like I was a failure (even though I know this is not true), and I hated the fact that it meant postponing living near Charming for an extra four or five months.  While, financially, this option would put me in a far better place, it was still a hard decision to make.

And my FA was not willing to let me make this choice until she had had a chance to fight for me.  She has spent the last few days emailing and calling around, trying to figure out what I could do to get this whole issue with my student loans figured out.  I wanted to tell her not to bother--even if they agreed to let me pay of my overaward at a later date I still wouldn't have enough money to pay for next semester.  Yesterday she sent me home from class so I could try to get in touch with people who could help me.  The result of this?  One person being away from their office, another person being in meetings all day, and the third never getting back to me.  By about four o'clock yesterday afternoon I was ready to email my FA and throw in the towel.  I appreciated her helping me fight and not wanting me to have to take a semester off, but this seemed like it was just one more roadblock and I was done fighting.

Shortly before sending this email I received a phone call from the financial aid office.  We had a lovely chat about my student loan situation and they offered for me to come in and call the loan office with them.  Turns out the overaward was from the year I took off from school to teach full-time.  I had applied for a loan, but then withdrew from classes.  Checking my bank records proved that I never did receive the money they are saying they gave me.

I just got back from that meeting.  Apparently the certificate/record from that year was deleted.  So they are recreating it for me and it looks like my overaward will be taken away.  Which means I shouldn't have to take a semester off.

It also means that there is the slightest possibility that the money I didn't get to receive this semester because they put it towards my overaward will be given back to me.

There is also the slightest chance that this will come to nothing and I will still have to go through with Due Process.  But that possibility is dwindling.

I learned something about myself through all of this.  When it comes to myself, I'm not a fighter.  I will fight if people go against those I love and care for.  But when I have to face my own odds that seem insurmountable, I don't like to cause ripples.  I'm not very confrontational.  But I wasn't allowed to do this in this situation.  People rose up to fight for me, and even though I wanted to give up, I couldn't.

Above all, I was reminded that I serve a God who is so much bigger than anything I could come up with.  He keeps throwing twists into my story that I don't see coming.  He did it with letting me teach for a year, with how he brought Charming into my life, and now He has done it with my finances.

Sometimes I forget who He is.

I guess you could say that today I got a healthy reminder!