I have two feet.
Their toe nails are painted black and everyone can see them because I have been wearing flip-flops since Februrary.
These feet like to get me into trouble.
Like on Sunday. It snowed... I wore my sandals... as a result I was doing a dance-hop-move from tire track to tire track in the church parking lot while making my way to my car. My feet thought it would be funny if they slipped, causing them to fly up in the air while my butt hit the ground. When I tried to get up I continued to slip.
Pretty typical day for me :)
I had another revelation about my feet this morning, but this was had to do with my metaphorical feet (yeah... I am just that cool... I have physical feet and metaphorical feet... beat that!).
This morning was the women's Bible study that I go to. We meet at McDonalds at 6:30 every Wednesday morning. I got there about fifteen minutes early and was reading some more in Gospel Wakefulness. In the section I read today it was dealing with the things we are passionate for that often replace God. He quotes Tim Keller and states:
"[T]he true god of your heart is what your thoughts effortlessly go to when there is nothing else demanding your attention. What do you enjoy daydreaming about? What occupies your mind when you have nothing else to think about? Do you develop potential scenarios about career advancement? or material goods such as a dream home? Or a relationship with a particular person? One or two daydreams are not an indication of idolatry. Ask, rather, what do you habitually think about to get joy and comfort in the privacy of your heart?"
Shortly after reading this two other women showed up and we began reading Judges 2. One interesting thing to note about this chapter is how once Joshua and the elders who had led with him were dead, Israel turned away from God. The next generation forgot about how He delivered them from Egypt, how He brought them through the wilderness, how He delivered to them the Promised Land. They started worshipping the gods of the people around them, the Baals and Ashtaroths.
All God had done for Israel since the beginning of Exodus was prove His love to them, prove He wanted a relationship with them. And they threw this in His face. As soon as their leader was gone and they were going to have to stand on their own two feet with the God who had shown Himself as the LORD who wanted a relationship with them, they turned to idols of stone and wood.
Sometimes standing on your own two feet is hard. Sometimes, like me, you lack in the balance department and tend to spend more time on your butt. Painting your toe nails and wearing flip-flops don't help. Putting on a mask and pretending that everything is okay doesn't work. Fulfilling the "acts" of a Christian while your heart is somewhere else doesn't work.
Last semester God revealed Himself to me in amazing ways. He showed His love for me through nature, through literature, through people. And to be honest those experiences came easily. I went for a walk and would be awed by His glory. Everywhere I looked it felt like God was showing me some kind of a revelation.
This semester has been harder. This semester I have struggled. The revelelations and experiences don't come as easily. Does this mean that God has suddenly changed? That He doesn't love me? Or does it mean He brought me out from where I was, showed me how much He loved me, pursued a relationship with me, and now wants me to pursue Him back?
When it comes to love this is hard. I know God loves me but I crave affirmation from people. No matter how hard I try it is difficult to overcome the view that I am unattractive to men, both physically and intellectually.
Yet I serve a God who has gone above and beyond the call of duty to show me how much He loves and treasures me. And what do I do with that? I throw it back in His face and tell Him it isn't good enough. I tell Him I don't want His affirmation but the affirmation of others.
It will be hard. I know I will fall a lot. But I need to start standing on my own two feet, resting in the assurance that when I do fall down, God isn't going to abandon me. He is going to pick me up and set me feet aright. I need to keep my eyes on Him as I walk, and not depend on whether others are watching me or walking with me. Sometimes I will feel alone. But it is in those times that I will need to continue pressing on, remembering all of the times in the past that God has picked me up, that He has told me He treasures me, that He has revealed His love to me.
Such is the life of a Christian single.
Their toe nails are painted black and everyone can see them because I have been wearing flip-flops since Februrary.
These feet like to get me into trouble.
Like on Sunday. It snowed... I wore my sandals... as a result I was doing a dance-hop-move from tire track to tire track in the church parking lot while making my way to my car. My feet thought it would be funny if they slipped, causing them to fly up in the air while my butt hit the ground. When I tried to get up I continued to slip.
Pretty typical day for me :)
I had another revelation about my feet this morning, but this was had to do with my metaphorical feet (yeah... I am just that cool... I have physical feet and metaphorical feet... beat that!).
This morning was the women's Bible study that I go to. We meet at McDonalds at 6:30 every Wednesday morning. I got there about fifteen minutes early and was reading some more in Gospel Wakefulness. In the section I read today it was dealing with the things we are passionate for that often replace God. He quotes Tim Keller and states:
"[T]he true god of your heart is what your thoughts effortlessly go to when there is nothing else demanding your attention. What do you enjoy daydreaming about? What occupies your mind when you have nothing else to think about? Do you develop potential scenarios about career advancement? or material goods such as a dream home? Or a relationship with a particular person? One or two daydreams are not an indication of idolatry. Ask, rather, what do you habitually think about to get joy and comfort in the privacy of your heart?"
Shortly after reading this two other women showed up and we began reading Judges 2. One interesting thing to note about this chapter is how once Joshua and the elders who had led with him were dead, Israel turned away from God. The next generation forgot about how He delivered them from Egypt, how He brought them through the wilderness, how He delivered to them the Promised Land. They started worshipping the gods of the people around them, the Baals and Ashtaroths.
All God had done for Israel since the beginning of Exodus was prove His love to them, prove He wanted a relationship with them. And they threw this in His face. As soon as their leader was gone and they were going to have to stand on their own two feet with the God who had shown Himself as the LORD who wanted a relationship with them, they turned to idols of stone and wood.
Sometimes standing on your own two feet is hard. Sometimes, like me, you lack in the balance department and tend to spend more time on your butt. Painting your toe nails and wearing flip-flops don't help. Putting on a mask and pretending that everything is okay doesn't work. Fulfilling the "acts" of a Christian while your heart is somewhere else doesn't work.
Last semester God revealed Himself to me in amazing ways. He showed His love for me through nature, through literature, through people. And to be honest those experiences came easily. I went for a walk and would be awed by His glory. Everywhere I looked it felt like God was showing me some kind of a revelation.
This semester has been harder. This semester I have struggled. The revelelations and experiences don't come as easily. Does this mean that God has suddenly changed? That He doesn't love me? Or does it mean He brought me out from where I was, showed me how much He loved me, pursued a relationship with me, and now wants me to pursue Him back?
When it comes to love this is hard. I know God loves me but I crave affirmation from people. No matter how hard I try it is difficult to overcome the view that I am unattractive to men, both physically and intellectually.
Yet I serve a God who has gone above and beyond the call of duty to show me how much He loves and treasures me. And what do I do with that? I throw it back in His face and tell Him it isn't good enough. I tell Him I don't want His affirmation but the affirmation of others.
It will be hard. I know I will fall a lot. But I need to start standing on my own two feet, resting in the assurance that when I do fall down, God isn't going to abandon me. He is going to pick me up and set me feet aright. I need to keep my eyes on Him as I walk, and not depend on whether others are watching me or walking with me. Sometimes I will feel alone. But it is in those times that I will need to continue pressing on, remembering all of the times in the past that God has picked me up, that He has told me He treasures me, that He has revealed His love to me.
Such is the life of a Christian single.
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