Annal 159: Tale from a Late Night Force Field

And so ends week two of being an electrician's helper.  I have managed to install motion sensors all on my own (disconnected the old light switches, connected the wires in the  new ones... I was pretty stoked about it), I am not nearly so shaky on a ladder (I was even sliding down portions of a roof today--not going to lie, that was pretty exciting), and I have been helping the cabinet makers a bit as well (and only cut myself with a knife once).  My arms and legs are pretty brutal looking between scrapes, bruises, and the blisters that resulted from wearing ankle socks with steel toe boots (not my brightest moment).  But I am still loving the job.  I'm getting to know people from all sorts of shops around town (I'm on a first name basis with the guys from one electrical shop), and learning, as my friends call them, "marketable, marriageable skills."

I am also dealing with incredibly itch ears.  It was cloudy yesterday so I didn't put sunscreen on.  Then the sky cleared while I was on the roof and my ears have broken out in hives.  Not so pleasant, but even that can't diminish the joy and pride I take in my work.  Getting treated to Dairy Queen today also helped with that :)

This week has been an amazing week for other reasons though.  I woke up around 1:30am on Monday morning and was wide awake.  I stayed wide awake for about an hour too. 

What was interesting about this hour was that God used this time to reveal something to me.

I'm coming up on my one year anniversary of writing this blog, which means I have been reflecting on what has transpired in this year.  God has taught me a lot, and perhaps the main lesson has been my identity in Him, through which He has begun to develop a confidence long dormant.  The revelation He gave me tied in with this.

I woke up and perhaps the very first thing to cross my mind were the words, "I've surrounded you with a force field."

Weird?  Yes.  Perfectly suited to me?  Also yes.

I was awakened with the thoughts that have long plagued me about being single.  Thoughts focused on what I thought were my inadequacies and deficiencies that had resulted in my singleness.

In answer to these thoughts God told me that it wasn't because I was inadequate.  It was because He was and is protecting me.  That He has kept me surrounded with a force field.  I have a very sensitive heart.  I know this.  I don't fall for people often, but when I do I fall hard.  God knows this.  Which means he also knows that there would have been opportunities in my past that would have left me scarred and battered had He not protected me from attention.

When my eyes opened at 1:30 I felt as if my heart was surrounded.  It felt warm and safe.  I didn't resent God for His protection.  All I could do was thank Him.

This late night/early morning had further implications.  Seeing God's protection in the past, His constancy, allowed me to realize how He has proved to me that I can always trust Him.  I can rest in Him and in the security that He will not change.

I don't know what my future will look like.  I don't know what it holds. 

And that is okay.

Periodically this week I would start thinking about the future and would start to panic.  I could feel that fear of "Will I ever find someone?  Will I ever get to be a mom?" and such things rising up.  But the couldn't stand before the force field that surrounded my heart.  In fact, the force field disintegrated those thoughts and fears.

And as a result I have had this peace all week.

Even just looking at this last year I am amazed at all God has taught me and done.  As I reflect back on my life I am left astounded.  How can I not trust Him?  How can I not be secure in who He is?

I have been reading a lot of C.S. Lewis lately, and as a result have been thinking about the sort of life I want to lead.  I want my life to be a story that glorifies its Author... and that author is not me.  I want to reflect the One writing my story, and I want my thoughts and actions to be dedicated and directed toward Him.

Because I can trust Him.  Because He's got this whole thing called life covered.

Such is the life of a Christian single.

I don't know if I can fully explain the security that I have felt this week.  Not security in myself or other people, but a security in God.