Mmmm... sometimes there is something so comforting about a cup of tea. Especially in my Ireland mug (it is blue, has sheep all over it, and says "I survived the weather in Ireland!). And drinking that cup of tea while sitting beneath two blankets just seems to increase that feeling of comfort.
It has been strange, but it has been harder for me to write entries over the last couple of weeks. I'm not quite sure, because plenty has been going on. Not events necessarily, but I feel as if I have traversed around the world. I'm exhausted. Part of that is because I have had two late nights (stayed up talking with a friend on Friday night, and then had another friend drop in around midnight last night), and part of it is simply due to the emotions that come with life.
My mother got her cancer screening tests back on Friday. She is four years cancer-free! I have spent the last 36 hours thinking back to when we first found out about her cancer. I had moved out and was living on my own, I was co-leading my church's young adults group, playing piano almost every Sunday, volunteering as a youth leader, dealing with drama in both groups I was involved with, trying to juggle my feelings for someone I was interested in, and then our family got hit with cancer.
It was a really hard time.
One of those times when your faith is shaken up and almost shattered. If you want to get my back up, talk to me about the "Prosperity Gospel." It's the idea that if you are serving God then He will bless you and everything will go wonderfully for you. My family has never been fans of this idea, and while churches will claim to not buy into this, there are still many pastors who will make out that if you are following God everything will just fall into place.
The problem is that sometimes you are following God and things fall apart. Sometimes your mom gets cancer.
I think you can see where the crisis of faith came into play.
God brought us through this without my mom having to go through chemo or anything like that. I believe it was a miracle.
And now, four years later, the cancer hasn't come back.
But I have been thinking about that time in my life a lot this weekend. And I have been thinking about other things. Like one relationship I have taken steps to fix but that it doesn't appear is going to be fixed. And that is really hard too.
Yet despite these emotions and the exhaustion I have been feeling, I have had a peace today.
Last night I got a chance to write. Not blogging write, but a chance to sit and work on a story. I have been mulling ideas around for a while and found that once I finished season 1 of Supernatural last night (one of my television studies shows), I could open my computer and write. I only got about seven pages done, but I cannot begin to describe how wonderful it felt.
I felt whole.
Maybe that sounds strange, but when I am writing everything feels like it begins to fall into place. That's one of the reasons I keep a blog.
And so despite all of the emotions of the weekend, God gave me the inspiration to write, which is an inspiration I haven't felt in a long time. And so despite the exhaustion, I felt at peace. I felt whole.
Following God doesn't mean your life falls into place. It means you have Someone to follow and cling to when life falls apart.
Such is the life of a Christian single.
It has been strange, but it has been harder for me to write entries over the last couple of weeks. I'm not quite sure, because plenty has been going on. Not events necessarily, but I feel as if I have traversed around the world. I'm exhausted. Part of that is because I have had two late nights (stayed up talking with a friend on Friday night, and then had another friend drop in around midnight last night), and part of it is simply due to the emotions that come with life.
My mother got her cancer screening tests back on Friday. She is four years cancer-free! I have spent the last 36 hours thinking back to when we first found out about her cancer. I had moved out and was living on my own, I was co-leading my church's young adults group, playing piano almost every Sunday, volunteering as a youth leader, dealing with drama in both groups I was involved with, trying to juggle my feelings for someone I was interested in, and then our family got hit with cancer.
It was a really hard time.
One of those times when your faith is shaken up and almost shattered. If you want to get my back up, talk to me about the "Prosperity Gospel." It's the idea that if you are serving God then He will bless you and everything will go wonderfully for you. My family has never been fans of this idea, and while churches will claim to not buy into this, there are still many pastors who will make out that if you are following God everything will just fall into place.
The problem is that sometimes you are following God and things fall apart. Sometimes your mom gets cancer.
I think you can see where the crisis of faith came into play.
God brought us through this without my mom having to go through chemo or anything like that. I believe it was a miracle.
And now, four years later, the cancer hasn't come back.
But I have been thinking about that time in my life a lot this weekend. And I have been thinking about other things. Like one relationship I have taken steps to fix but that it doesn't appear is going to be fixed. And that is really hard too.
Yet despite these emotions and the exhaustion I have been feeling, I have had a peace today.
Last night I got a chance to write. Not blogging write, but a chance to sit and work on a story. I have been mulling ideas around for a while and found that once I finished season 1 of Supernatural last night (one of my television studies shows), I could open my computer and write. I only got about seven pages done, but I cannot begin to describe how wonderful it felt.
I felt whole.
Maybe that sounds strange, but when I am writing everything feels like it begins to fall into place. That's one of the reasons I keep a blog.
And so despite all of the emotions of the weekend, God gave me the inspiration to write, which is an inspiration I haven't felt in a long time. And so despite the exhaustion, I felt at peace. I felt whole.
Following God doesn't mean your life falls into place. It means you have Someone to follow and cling to when life falls apart.
Such is the life of a Christian single.
Great post! Now I want to read what you wrote! You are a great writer, so I'm sure whatever it is you were inspired to write was excellent :)
ReplyDeleteI love your honesty here. And I'm right there with you on the lies that health and wealth message propagate. It just isn't reality. God is not a cookie-cutter God. What he does in one way for one person is most likely not the same way it's going to work out for another person. I am so so very glad your mother is cancer free. Praise God for that! Give her lots of hugs whenever you can :))
ReplyDeleteI started writing too again, a bit of fiction. It's such an enjoyable endeavor! Would love to read a snippet of yours some time. Keep writing!
Jeanine :))
'