Wednesday 25 January 2012

Annal 116: Tale from the British National Identity

What's that?

I should be working on my paper about the forging of the British national identity?

Oh, and then I should continue reading the novel I have to do a presentation on in a few weeks while researching the other two presentations that are coming up?

And I would want to do that why?

...

Yeah, it looks like it is going to be one of those days.  A day where I actually feel pretty good about school (possibly because I wrote one paragraph for my paper and have planned out the theses for a few other papers) and life in general (woke up early, went to a women's Bible study, hit the gym, and am having a movie night tonight).  After the way this semester has been going with stress and drama, this peace and, dare I say joy, that I am currently feeling are most welcome.

Have I mentioned that I have had to watch way too much television for my Television Studies course?  I have watched the first seasons of X-Files, Supernatural, and Sanctuary while watching bits and pieces of Smallville.  Tomorrow I begin with Battlestar Galactica.

Have I mentioned that I have been watching so much tv that it has started to penetrate into my dream world?  Last night I was battling the supernatural with Mulder and the Winchester brothers (which, let's be honest, there are definitely worse people I could be battling the supernatural with).  I woke up a few times in the middle of the night, and would say "Am I really dreaming this?  Yes, yes I am.  And it is kind of fun.  Continue, Dream," at which point I would fall back asleep and the dream would begin again.

Could I give you details?  No, because I don't remember any of them.  I just know it was a good dream.

I have been continuing writing as well.  I edited the first seven pages I mentioned writing before, bumping it up to ten pages, and then wrote another three last night.

I guess it just feels like in the midst of so much turmoil that has been going on, God has given me ways of coping, ways to enjoy myself and feel like maybe life isn't falling apart around me.

Heck, to top it all off, I was studying with a friend this morning and all of a sudden she asked if she could take my picture for her phone (so that my number would also have a picture) and then told me how lovely I looked today.

I even figured out the REAL reason I am still single!  My father informed me the other night that all of the charming aspects of my personality are inherited from him.  Suddenly my singleness makes sense!!!

I know this all seems random and like there is no theme, but the fact is that I am really happy right now.

This morning we were reading Genesis 50 where Jacob dies and Joseph's brothers are freaked out that Joseph is going to do away with them now that their dad is gone.  When Joseph hears this he responds with (and this is my paraphrase): "Guys, I'm not God.  Sure you screwed me around, but God was able to turn it for good."

I'm not God.

This is a good thing.

Now Joseph is not favourite guy--that is a post for another day--but what he said here struck something with me.  Crap happens.  Sometimes we are betrayed by those closest to us.  Sometimes people unintentionally or intentionally hurt us.  Sometimes we lose someone or something of great value.

But God is God and He can work things around for good.  Sometimes it takes years (Joseph was Egypt for quite a while before he was restored to his family and before he was placed as second-in-command), and sometimes we don't ever get to see it (while dealing with being the unloved wife Leah didn't know that it would be from one of her sons, Judah, that Jesus would come).  But that doesn't mean that He isn't in control.

Joseph was in a position to judge his brothers and to make them pay for the hardship and pain that they caused him.  But he didn't.  He was able to say, "I'm not God."

There is something very refreshing about relinquishing control to God, about trusting Him and believing that He knows better than you do.

Which means I will write my papers, prepare my presentations, and dream my dreams, all while resting in the assurance that God is God and that He is much better suited for the job than I am.  I will rest in the knowledge that He loves me, even when it doesn't feel that way and it seems like He is allowing things to happen just to spite me. 

I will rest... and maybe dream ;)

Such is the life of a Christian single.

1 comment:

  1. You always make me smile friend and don't worry I am sure that not all of your dad's charming qualities are bad...I mean he somehow convinced your mom to marry him :) And I am so glad to hear that you have been writing! Love you lots! Hope your great day continues to tomorrow.

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