I received a call today, but not the sort that you are probably thinking of.
Last night was another rough night. Not with dreams so much, but just with tossing, turning, and an overall restlessness. I woke up frustrated this morning. My stress has drastically diminished--it makes no sense to me why I am having so much trouble sleeping. I ended up not going to my women's Bible study group this morning since when my alarm went off my head felt as if it weighed about three times more than usual.
So I got up, made myself as presentable as I could, and took my car for an oil change. I then walked home, cleaned the kitchen, had breakfast, did my devotions, and then started cleaning the bathroom.
The call came while I was eating and doing my devotions.
This call was not of the variety that involved my cell phone. This call was a stirring deep within that I have not felt to such an extreme in a very long time.
I have felt a little unsettled today. I honestly have no idea why, especially because of the peace I experienced yesterday. This left me feeling completely boggled. I was reading a bit in Gospel Wakefulness and also started The Hope of the Gospel by George Macdonald. At the back of mind was the knowledge that I was unsettled, but I kept trying to push it away. I guess I figured if I tried to ignore the feeling it would disappear. I have worked with kids for many years--I should know by now that ignoring only makes it more prominent.
While reading it seemed as if one word was being imprinted on my mind, my heart... my very being. This was the call I received.
The word was Worship.
When at my parents' home with their piano I love to play and sing. When I do this it is as if something within me connects straight to God. Everything feels aligned.
I don't have a piano here. And I rarely just start singing when I am alone. But today I experienced an urgency to worship like never before. So I took my computer into the bathroom and played some music while I was cleaning. In a post from last year I shared a song by the group Fee called "Everything Falls" with all of you. I started off listening to it and singing along. The song reminded me of the various things that have happened this year--of how life seemed to be falling apart. I thought of the church issues, my mom getting fired, adjusting to being back in school, issues with identity, and the long road to forgiveness. And I was reminded of how through it all God was there. The chorus sums up the ways that God got me through.
"When everything falls apart,
Your arms hold me together.
When everything falls apart,
You're the only hope for this heart.
When everything falls apart,
My strength is gone,
I find You mighty and strong,
You keep holding on,
You keep holding on."
This was good. It caused me to reflect. I thanked God and finished cleaning the bathroom while singing along. Then I started carrying my computer back to the living room. While doing so another song started to play. It was by the same band and called "We Crown You." There is more to the song than what I included below, but this was the part that really struck me.
[Verse 1]
All hail the power of Jesus' name
The wonders of his grace, our Saviour
All bow before the King of love
Our Treasure and our God, Redeemer
[Pre-Chorus]
There is none more holy, great, and mighty
No one like our God
[Chorus]
King of Kings and God of grace (We crown you, we crown you)
Our Redeemer strong to save (We crown you, we crown you)
High and holy lifted up
There is none more worthy Lord
We crown You Lord of all
I sat on the couch and was all of a sudden overcome by this song. Every word seemed to ring within. An intensity built in my chest until before I knew it I was driven from the couch and found myself on my knees, crying, singing, worshipping.
That was when I understood the call.
I have thanked God. I have been in awe of Him. But in that moment I was struck by His holiness, His greatness, and His grace. There is no one who is more holy, more great, and more mighty than God. No one. And I couldn't remember the last time I stilled myself before Him and just gave Him all of my focus, my energy, and my mind.
God has spent so much time showing me who He has made me to be. And despite all I have learned and all the ways that He has left me in awe of Him, I honestly could not remember the last time I just stopped and focused on who He is. Not just on what He has done for me, but on who He is. Everything else has somehow incorporated a focus on myself. I'm not saying this is bad, I'm just saying that one also needs to focus on God for who He is. For there is none more holy, great, and mighty. There is none like Him.
Such is the life of a Christian single.
Last night was another rough night. Not with dreams so much, but just with tossing, turning, and an overall restlessness. I woke up frustrated this morning. My stress has drastically diminished--it makes no sense to me why I am having so much trouble sleeping. I ended up not going to my women's Bible study group this morning since when my alarm went off my head felt as if it weighed about three times more than usual.
So I got up, made myself as presentable as I could, and took my car for an oil change. I then walked home, cleaned the kitchen, had breakfast, did my devotions, and then started cleaning the bathroom.
The call came while I was eating and doing my devotions.
This call was not of the variety that involved my cell phone. This call was a stirring deep within that I have not felt to such an extreme in a very long time.
I have felt a little unsettled today. I honestly have no idea why, especially because of the peace I experienced yesterday. This left me feeling completely boggled. I was reading a bit in Gospel Wakefulness and also started The Hope of the Gospel by George Macdonald. At the back of mind was the knowledge that I was unsettled, but I kept trying to push it away. I guess I figured if I tried to ignore the feeling it would disappear. I have worked with kids for many years--I should know by now that ignoring only makes it more prominent.
While reading it seemed as if one word was being imprinted on my mind, my heart... my very being. This was the call I received.
The word was Worship.
When at my parents' home with their piano I love to play and sing. When I do this it is as if something within me connects straight to God. Everything feels aligned.
I don't have a piano here. And I rarely just start singing when I am alone. But today I experienced an urgency to worship like never before. So I took my computer into the bathroom and played some music while I was cleaning. In a post from last year I shared a song by the group Fee called "Everything Falls" with all of you. I started off listening to it and singing along. The song reminded me of the various things that have happened this year--of how life seemed to be falling apart. I thought of the church issues, my mom getting fired, adjusting to being back in school, issues with identity, and the long road to forgiveness. And I was reminded of how through it all God was there. The chorus sums up the ways that God got me through.
"When everything falls apart,
Your arms hold me together.
When everything falls apart,
You're the only hope for this heart.
When everything falls apart,
My strength is gone,
I find You mighty and strong,
You keep holding on,
You keep holding on."
This was good. It caused me to reflect. I thanked God and finished cleaning the bathroom while singing along. Then I started carrying my computer back to the living room. While doing so another song started to play. It was by the same band and called "We Crown You." There is more to the song than what I included below, but this was the part that really struck me.
[Verse 1]
All hail the power of Jesus' name
The wonders of his grace, our Saviour
All bow before the King of love
Our Treasure and our God, Redeemer
[Pre-Chorus]
There is none more holy, great, and mighty
No one like our God
[Chorus]
King of Kings and God of grace (We crown you, we crown you)
Our Redeemer strong to save (We crown you, we crown you)
High and holy lifted up
There is none more worthy Lord
We crown You Lord of all
I sat on the couch and was all of a sudden overcome by this song. Every word seemed to ring within. An intensity built in my chest until before I knew it I was driven from the couch and found myself on my knees, crying, singing, worshipping.
That was when I understood the call.
I have thanked God. I have been in awe of Him. But in that moment I was struck by His holiness, His greatness, and His grace. There is no one who is more holy, more great, and more mighty than God. No one. And I couldn't remember the last time I stilled myself before Him and just gave Him all of my focus, my energy, and my mind.
God has spent so much time showing me who He has made me to be. And despite all I have learned and all the ways that He has left me in awe of Him, I honestly could not remember the last time I just stopped and focused on who He is. Not just on what He has done for me, but on who He is. Everything else has somehow incorporated a focus on myself. I'm not saying this is bad, I'm just saying that one also needs to focus on God for who He is. For there is none more holy, great, and mighty. There is none like Him.
Such is the life of a Christian single.
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