I'm supposed to be planning out essay questions for some finals. But the one isn't until Monday night and the other Tuesday afternoon. And it is only Friday. And Friday morning at that. I have plenty of time to worry about that stuff (can you tell I have yet to be bit by the motivation bug?).
Most of my bedroom is packed up now, and all of my books are in boxes... which is a little sad for me. I still don't know what is happening in September and packing tends to remind me that I am still in limbo. At the same time I also find packing exhilarating. The knowledge of a new adventure, that at some point I will be unpacking these boxes in a completely different location... and I do feel ready for adventure. Although entering my bedroom is an adventure of its own. There isn't really a spot to put all the boxes as my sister and I pack up, so mine are all in my room. Which means that trying to get to my bed is the equivalent to scaling Mount Everest (not that I would really know since I have never scaled Mount Everest, but you get the picture).
Have I mentioned how much I love George MacDonald? I was telling my cousin yesterday that normally I fall in love with literary characters--this time it is with an author. A nineteenth century author.
I mean, check out that beard! And the hair! And let's not forget he was Scottish as well. And he does have a rather nice pair of eyes.
But I digress :)
The point is I have never before read a writer whose words so stir my soul and seem to speak directly to me. I have read plenty of authors, and have enjoyed them and learned from them and been inspired to grow by them. But with MacDonald it is different. I finish one book by him and I have to start another. I start reading and have the most difficult time pulling myself away.
Anyway, today I was reading his chapter on sorrow in The Hope of the Gospel. There are plenty of good quotations throughout this chapter but I want to share one from the very beginning with you. He says:
"Still, I repeat, a man in sorrow is in general far nearer God than a man in joy. Gladness may make a man forget his thanksgiving; misery drives him to his prayers. For we are not yet, we are only becoming. The endless day will at length dawn whose every throbbing moment will heave our hearts Godward; we shall scarce need to lift them up: now, there are two door-keepers to the house of prayer, and Sorrow is more on the alert to open than her grandson Joy."
I began to think of how true this is in life. How often Joy arises from Sorrow but how in time I forget my thanksgiving. It is in the sorrow, in the misery, in the grief, that my heart is more readily turned to God. I think of the times I want to curse God in my sorrow. The times in my grief that I yell at Him and blame Him.
MacDonald says something a little later that also rings true.
"Begin to love as God loves, and they grief will assuage; but for comfort wait his time. What he will do for thee, he only knows."
When I grieve, when I am despairing, the last thing I want to do is remove myself from my own selfishness. The last thing I want to do is love as God loves.
And yet that is what we are called to do.
This is not an easy thing to do. It is not easy to love as God does when inside it feels like you are dying. But then I am reminded of the quotation I shared with you in my last post. I am reminded that when I choose to rise there is Someone who is more than willing to carry me when I am too weary to walk.
Such is the life of a Christian single.
Most of my bedroom is packed up now, and all of my books are in boxes... which is a little sad for me. I still don't know what is happening in September and packing tends to remind me that I am still in limbo. At the same time I also find packing exhilarating. The knowledge of a new adventure, that at some point I will be unpacking these boxes in a completely different location... and I do feel ready for adventure. Although entering my bedroom is an adventure of its own. There isn't really a spot to put all the boxes as my sister and I pack up, so mine are all in my room. Which means that trying to get to my bed is the equivalent to scaling Mount Everest (not that I would really know since I have never scaled Mount Everest, but you get the picture).
Have I mentioned how much I love George MacDonald? I was telling my cousin yesterday that normally I fall in love with literary characters--this time it is with an author. A nineteenth century author.
I mean, check out that beard! And the hair! And let's not forget he was Scottish as well. And he does have a rather nice pair of eyes.
But I digress :)
The point is I have never before read a writer whose words so stir my soul and seem to speak directly to me. I have read plenty of authors, and have enjoyed them and learned from them and been inspired to grow by them. But with MacDonald it is different. I finish one book by him and I have to start another. I start reading and have the most difficult time pulling myself away.
Anyway, today I was reading his chapter on sorrow in The Hope of the Gospel. There are plenty of good quotations throughout this chapter but I want to share one from the very beginning with you. He says:
"Still, I repeat, a man in sorrow is in general far nearer God than a man in joy. Gladness may make a man forget his thanksgiving; misery drives him to his prayers. For we are not yet, we are only becoming. The endless day will at length dawn whose every throbbing moment will heave our hearts Godward; we shall scarce need to lift them up: now, there are two door-keepers to the house of prayer, and Sorrow is more on the alert to open than her grandson Joy."
I began to think of how true this is in life. How often Joy arises from Sorrow but how in time I forget my thanksgiving. It is in the sorrow, in the misery, in the grief, that my heart is more readily turned to God. I think of the times I want to curse God in my sorrow. The times in my grief that I yell at Him and blame Him.
MacDonald says something a little later that also rings true.
"Begin to love as God loves, and they grief will assuage; but for comfort wait his time. What he will do for thee, he only knows."
When I grieve, when I am despairing, the last thing I want to do is remove myself from my own selfishness. The last thing I want to do is love as God loves.
And yet that is what we are called to do.
This is not an easy thing to do. It is not easy to love as God does when inside it feels like you are dying. But then I am reminded of the quotation I shared with you in my last post. I am reminded that when I choose to rise there is Someone who is more than willing to carry me when I am too weary to walk.
Such is the life of a Christian single.
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