I hope you have all had a wonderful holiday, as I know I have. I feel thoroughly spoiled this Christmas--my brother and sister-in-law decided to use their airmiles and send me to visit my cousin a few provinces over for my reading week. Talk about exciting!!!
Yesterday I drove out to visit one of my closest friends in a nearby town--who, by the way, gave me an amazing present. She took a poem I had written as a Facebook status a little while ago, and put it with a picture she had taken that matched. She then put this picture in a frame for me. Definitely the closest I have ever come to feeling famous!
On my way there I decided to listen to a Tim Keller podcast. It was entitled "The Struggle of Love" and was about the story of Jacob, Rachel, and Leah. This has always been a favourite story of mine because Leah is my favourite Bible character. My heart always went out to the woman who was unloved. My favourite part of the story was that God saw her heart and her rejection and He honoured her. She was the ancestor of Jesus, not Rachel the loved.
But that wasn't what Keller's sermon was about. He was talking about how each of us feel like we are missing something in our lives, or like we have been robbed of things we want, and so we are constantly searching for something that will redeem us, that will save us, that will make us feel valued and loved. Jacob had just run away from home where he had tricked his father and robbed his brother. He meets Rachel who is apparently a total babe and wants to marry her. He even works seven years for her. He goes through with his wedding only to wake up in the morning and discover that he was married to Leah... not Rachel.
Leah is unloved. So she tries to find meaning by having children. With Reuben, her first son, she says "Surely my husband will love me now" (Genesis 29:32). She has Simeon and again talks about her misery. With Levi, her third, she says "Now at last my husband will become attached to me" (Genesis 29:34).
Then something happens. Somehow there is a change, and this change occurs with the birth of Judah, her fourth son. With him she says, "This time I will praise the Lord" (Genesis 29:35), and then she stopped having children.
Keller talks about how each of us is searching for a "Rachel." We are looking out for some sort of an ideal that will make us feel important, make us feel like we are worth something. For Jacob this was the real Rachel. For Leah it was her children. The problem with looking for a "Rachel" is that we always wake up in the morning to discover what we have is a "Leah." We look to jobs, people, sex, whatever to complete us, and for a brief moment it seems like those things will complete us.
But they don't.
Leah made a decision to praise the Lord, to focus on Him, and when that happened her identity stopped being tied up in her children and what her husband thought of her.
What I find interesting about this story is that Leah doesn't learn to praise God and then everything goes swell for her. By the next chapter she is feeling threatened by her younger sister yet again and having more children--again with the hope that her husband will honour and love her.
I think we are all like that. We all look to other people or things to make us feel important. And then for some of us we come to that realization that those things will not complete us. Only God can do that. That doesn't mean life is just swell after that--we will still struggle.
I think with Christian singles this is an especially huge issue. We are told to wait for "the one" and end up with this idealistic dream that "the one" is going to save us, complete us, make everything perfect. We are waiting for a "Rachel." The problem with that is that no human being is ever going to complete you--and that is a lot to expect of someone.
I am also reading The Meaning of Marriage by Tim Keller right now (my dad read it and felt I had to read it too). He talks about this concept of "the one" in it as well. A very common view of marriage is that of finding someone who will complete you. But this is wrong. Even if you find someone who seems to fit the bill, the fact of the matter is that not so long after you get married you will notice that both of you will change--and suddenly you aren't that same person anymore.
These are things I wish people had've told me growing up in youth group. I wish there had've been more of a focus on finding your identity in Christ. The truth is, in the last few months He has made me feel more valued and loved than any man has ever done so. I have dated and have felt special but what happens when it ended? My self-esteem took a flying leap over the edge of a cliff and was dashed on the rocks below.
But that doesn't happen with God. In the last few months He has shown me an acceptance and a beauty that I have never found elsewhere. And the best part about it is that He doesn't change, so I know it's not going to be a situation where He gets to know me a little bit better and then decides He doesn't love me anymore. He knows me better than I know myself and loves me anyway.
I suppose what I am trying to say is don't look to other people or things to be your "Rachel" because it won't be long before you realize that what you have is a "Leah." It is only in saying "This time I will praise the Lord" and living that out, that your life finds the meaning you are searching for.
Such is the life of a Christian single.
Yesterday I drove out to visit one of my closest friends in a nearby town--who, by the way, gave me an amazing present. She took a poem I had written as a Facebook status a little while ago, and put it with a picture she had taken that matched. She then put this picture in a frame for me. Definitely the closest I have ever come to feeling famous!
On my way there I decided to listen to a Tim Keller podcast. It was entitled "The Struggle of Love" and was about the story of Jacob, Rachel, and Leah. This has always been a favourite story of mine because Leah is my favourite Bible character. My heart always went out to the woman who was unloved. My favourite part of the story was that God saw her heart and her rejection and He honoured her. She was the ancestor of Jesus, not Rachel the loved.
But that wasn't what Keller's sermon was about. He was talking about how each of us feel like we are missing something in our lives, or like we have been robbed of things we want, and so we are constantly searching for something that will redeem us, that will save us, that will make us feel valued and loved. Jacob had just run away from home where he had tricked his father and robbed his brother. He meets Rachel who is apparently a total babe and wants to marry her. He even works seven years for her. He goes through with his wedding only to wake up in the morning and discover that he was married to Leah... not Rachel.
Leah is unloved. So she tries to find meaning by having children. With Reuben, her first son, she says "Surely my husband will love me now" (Genesis 29:32). She has Simeon and again talks about her misery. With Levi, her third, she says "Now at last my husband will become attached to me" (Genesis 29:34).
Then something happens. Somehow there is a change, and this change occurs with the birth of Judah, her fourth son. With him she says, "This time I will praise the Lord" (Genesis 29:35), and then she stopped having children.
Keller talks about how each of us is searching for a "Rachel." We are looking out for some sort of an ideal that will make us feel important, make us feel like we are worth something. For Jacob this was the real Rachel. For Leah it was her children. The problem with looking for a "Rachel" is that we always wake up in the morning to discover what we have is a "Leah." We look to jobs, people, sex, whatever to complete us, and for a brief moment it seems like those things will complete us.
But they don't.
Leah made a decision to praise the Lord, to focus on Him, and when that happened her identity stopped being tied up in her children and what her husband thought of her.
What I find interesting about this story is that Leah doesn't learn to praise God and then everything goes swell for her. By the next chapter she is feeling threatened by her younger sister yet again and having more children--again with the hope that her husband will honour and love her.
I think we are all like that. We all look to other people or things to make us feel important. And then for some of us we come to that realization that those things will not complete us. Only God can do that. That doesn't mean life is just swell after that--we will still struggle.
I think with Christian singles this is an especially huge issue. We are told to wait for "the one" and end up with this idealistic dream that "the one" is going to save us, complete us, make everything perfect. We are waiting for a "Rachel." The problem with that is that no human being is ever going to complete you--and that is a lot to expect of someone.
I am also reading The Meaning of Marriage by Tim Keller right now (my dad read it and felt I had to read it too). He talks about this concept of "the one" in it as well. A very common view of marriage is that of finding someone who will complete you. But this is wrong. Even if you find someone who seems to fit the bill, the fact of the matter is that not so long after you get married you will notice that both of you will change--and suddenly you aren't that same person anymore.
These are things I wish people had've told me growing up in youth group. I wish there had've been more of a focus on finding your identity in Christ. The truth is, in the last few months He has made me feel more valued and loved than any man has ever done so. I have dated and have felt special but what happens when it ended? My self-esteem took a flying leap over the edge of a cliff and was dashed on the rocks below.
But that doesn't happen with God. In the last few months He has shown me an acceptance and a beauty that I have never found elsewhere. And the best part about it is that He doesn't change, so I know it's not going to be a situation where He gets to know me a little bit better and then decides He doesn't love me anymore. He knows me better than I know myself and loves me anyway.
I suppose what I am trying to say is don't look to other people or things to be your "Rachel" because it won't be long before you realize that what you have is a "Leah." It is only in saying "This time I will praise the Lord" and living that out, that your life finds the meaning you are searching for.
Such is the life of a Christian single.
I totally relate to this blog. I call it the Cinderella syndrome. I think God set in all our hearts that yearning for our Prince Charming to come sweep us off our feet; however the only Prince who can totally fill that hole in our heart is the King of Kings himself. At least you won't go into a marriage with unrealistic expectations like most young girls growing up on fairy tales and pulp fiction.
ReplyDeleteI totally agree with you! Christ truly is the only one who can fulfill that longing and yearning within our hearts. The more I continue reading the Tim Keller book, the more upset I become with so much of the fiction I read growing up and the false ideals it set up. In the last few months I have felt more loved by God than any man has ever made me feel--and it has been lasting. How can I argue with that?
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