Annal 119: Tale from the Mermaid

My sister and I just finished eating the california rolls we made for lunch, and let me tell you, they tasted FANTASTIC!  So now I am eating oreos, drinking coffee, and getting ready to work on my presentation for the novella "The Great God Pan" for my Victorian Literature class.  About as ideal a way to spend a Sunday afternoon during school as there could be (I may sneak in some Supernatural or some writing a little later in the day, just to make it perfect).

So yesterday afternoon I finishes applying to the second of three schools I am applying to for my Bachelor of Education.  Really hoping I get into my number one choice, as it is a one year intensive program that is incredibly well-thought of by school boards (prayers for this would be greatly appreciated).  To celebrate, I took I candlelit bath afterwards, complete with delicious smelling bath products and a novel (mind you, the novel was for Postcolonial Literature, but who cares?!). 

Any women out there who, as little girls, would pretend they were mermaids every time they took a bath or went swimming?  You know, cross your feet at the ankles so they form the shape of fins?  Or submerge your head under the water and watch your hair take on an almost ethereal quality?  Or am I the only incredibly cool person out there who ever did that?  I may not cross my ankles anymore, but I do still love to submerge my head in water and watch my hair.  It's one of the few times where I find my hair enchanting.

Anyway, after this amazing bath I went for a walk in my flip-flops because the weather was so gloriously warm (around 2 degrees Celsius) and enjoyed being bathed in the sunlight as I walked a trail near my home.  I then headed out of town a little way to a friend's home where we watched some Jane Eyre.  And I'm talking four hour, BBC Jane Eyre.

You know, it is very hard to find people out there who think Rochester calling Jane a "witch" is romantic.  And I understand that at first glance it does seem a wee bit harsh.  But I love the fact that Rochester sees past Jane's small, plain appearance and realizes that she has the ability to bewitch.  Not only does she have the ability to do so, but she does it.  She completely bewitches Rochester simply by being who she is.  She doesn't have to be a great beauty or a stunning conversationalist.  She just has to be herself.

I guess this was something I needed to ponder a little.  The last week has just been one where I have doubted myself somewhat.  It has been a week where I haven't felt particularly pretty, brilliant, or charming.  And it has been a bit of a lonely week.  A single week, if you will.  In just a little over two weeks I will have been single for three years.  And in those three years there hasn't even been a possibility of a relationship.  No one has really wanted to take the time to get to know me.

Don't get me wrong, it's not like this has been a terrible week or anything like that, and I know that before I know it I will be feeling just fine again.  I have just felt a little lonely lately.  As I talk and laugh with friends or start dancing with my popcorn maker in the kitchen, I can't help but feel that familiar pang of insecurity.

I am still reading in Exodus about God delivering the Israelites from Egypt.  I'm reading about the depths He goes to to prove to them that He loves them and that He desires them.  He sees their hurting and so He sets out to show them how He will take care of them.  How He is devoted to them.  How He loves them.

And I know that I need to remember the ways He has proved His love to me.  I need to remember that even at my absolute worst He still loves me.  When my most unloveable traits show their faces He still loves me.  And when I feel lonely, dull, and idiotic He still sees me.  I guess some days it's just a little harder to remember than others.

Such is the life of a Christian single.