Annal 125: Tale from the Sigh of Relief

Alright, everyone can officially breathe a sigh of relief.

Obviously you have all been holding your breath, awaiting news on my presentation and whether or not I have become officially insane or not.  Because obviously no one has anything better to do than think about me.  Centre of the world right here, right?

My presentation went FANTASTIC... or at least I feel like it did :)

I even managed to go for almost the full hour and a half!  My prof even came up to me at the break and told me that if I wanted to run with one of my sections for my essay in the class it was perfect essay material.  And given the fact that she said I wouldn't be penalized because of the circumstances leading up to my being the only presenter, I am feeling like I did quite well.

And to be honest I needed that.  The last week and a bit has been a struggle, especially with school.  Tonight I felt like maybe I knew what I was doing... like maybe I wasn't a complete loser!  And suddenly proof-reading one essay and studying for two midterms feels manageable!

Wow... I wish I could fully describe to you all the relief I feel.  I spent the day feeling sick to my stomach, worry gnawing at my innards, stress clouding my ability to think.  And right now I feel light.  This has probably been my hardest semester of school, but once this week is over the worst of it will be done.  I will have only my major essays left, and at least with those I know what I am doing!

I am sorry I have been so all over the place lately.  I realize that nobody likes to read a downer, but being able to write through this last week has helped immensely.  So I appreciate everyone's patience.

Interesting tidbit from my devotions today: I was reading in Joshua where the twelve spies are sent into Canaan to scout out the land.  What has been really interesting with the study I am doing with some other ladies right now is that our reading takes us through the plot of the Bible.  So just a few days ago I was in Genesis and today I am in Joshua.  Which means that all God did for Israel is still fresh in my mind.

I have always been shocked at how quickly Israel forgot what God did for them.  How they seemed to forget Egypt, the Red Sea, and His provision while they travelled.

But then I look at me.  Was Christmas really just a month and a half ago?  Was that the time when God gave me a revelation about beauty that in the last few weeks I seemed to so quickly forget?  When I was in the depth of my stress and of feeling rejected and unloved I so quickly forgot that God spent a semester spelling out His love for me.  Or maybe it is less that I forgot and more that I felt He had let me down.

I wasn't supposed to struggle again.  I wasn't supposed to have such a hard time with issues I have struggled with all my life.  Or so I thought.

But I do have a God who loves me with an everlasting love.  He has pursued me like no one else ever has, and He is still pursuing me.  Will I deal with hurt at times?  Yes.  Will I feel ugly or stupid?  Sure I will.  But will God have somehow changed that even He will seem to abandon me?  No.

Such is the life of a Christian single.