Monday 24 October 2011

Annal 81: Tale from my Stint as a Mom

Oi.

First of all, I would like to say that any parent who is also working or going to school at the same time they are parenting has my utmost respect.

My sister and I have been spending out days taking care of a five year old, studying, completing assignments, going to class, cooking, and cleaning.  And it takes a lot of work.  We are exhausted, and that is with having our teenaged sister around to help.

I spent my morning at the university, came home, got an amazing hug from Captain America (he also has a Wolverine, a Spiderman, and a Batman costume), made potato soup, did dishes, took my oldest nephew for a walk, helped watch him and get dinner going, helped clean the house, bathed him, and put him to bed.  It takes a lot out of you.

My family has fostered since I was eight, so we have always had children in the house--especially babies, as my mother loves babies.  Thus all of us siblings know that children are a lot of work and not something to enter into lightly.  But I found something interesting out about my self.

I am okay with the work.

Putting my oldest nephew to bed, hearing his "I love you" and getting his hugs, always seems to outweigh the times I have to discipline him for not listening, or for being rude.  Going for a walk and collecting tree stars with him, or letting him help me with my make-up in the morning are memories I will not easily forget.

I remember the first year of my niece's life.  I lived on my own and would take her on the occasional Saturday afternoon and night, and bring her to church on Sunday.  She may not remember this, but I do.  We baked cookies together, and I have pictures of her reading my copy of Pride and Prejudice on the bathroom floor while I got ready for church.  I remember cuddling her to put her to sleep, and introducing her to Frosty the Snowman.

About two years ago I realized a fact about me that made me incredibly sad.  Compassion has always been something God seemed to gift me with, and a few years ago I felt as if I lost a huge chunk out of the section of my heart labelled "Compassion."  Over the course of a year, events happened that I allowed to harden me.  In some instances I needed this; I was what some people might call a doormat.  But I think I allowed it to harden me too much.

Taking care of a child has reminded me of past times when I allowed my heart to be fully open.  When I gave love without abandon.  And it has made me realize how at peace I have felt these last fews while giving this love.

When I started writing this entry I had no idea of this revelation, yet as I typed I began to see.  I think God is opening up the door in that section of my heart that I had thought lost.  I feel as if my compassion is beginning to return.  Maybe He has been doing renos without me knowing it, and it is beginning to be opened to the public.  I don't know.  All I know is that the moments of peace I have had despite the craziness that has been life are amazing.

Such is the life of a Christian single.

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